Ignorance is bliss. I’ve been avoiding TV or at least meaningful TV for a while now and I am noticeably happier. I’ve also rekindled my old flame with reading. I knocked out “Survivor” and “Fierce Invalids Home from Hot Climates” over the extended weekend. It feels so good to read. I think our imaginations are getting weaker as we are challenged a lot less in our society to put them to use. Even the entertainment we are spoon fed reflects this. I’m not naming names, but there is a certain sci-fi series that really proves this. The first 3 movies were made when I was a kid and they were fantastic. The last two came out and used CGI instead of a storyline to make luke-warm follow ups, or prequels. Whatever. So maybe that is just a reflection of how even the most talented people in Hollywood have lost their imagination. Who can blame them? In our post 9-11 world, I’ve replaced a burning desire to move to the heart of a big city with a desire to move somewhere away from society. That notion has snuck up on me.


I still check Seattle from time to time. The weather right now is awful. Its not upstate New York bad, since it stays above freezing for the most part, but the city is wet and cloudy and cold right now and will stay that way for months. Florida is beautiful, although rather hot for the end of November. I guess being a couple of months removed from the weather that makes every crevasse of your body drip sweat makes you forget how miserable this place can be. I’m conflicted, but such is the cross us Pisces bear.

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And grills fire up everywhere.

Is it too late to become Goth? I feel in my heart of hearts that is what I am. I'm probably guilty of listening to the Smiths too much lately. That will drag you down. Unfortunately, most of their fans are in their late 30s now. I fully expect some soccer mom in a Chevy Astro to pull up next to me at a red light and ask me if I'm listening to "The Queen Is Dead." I tried happiness, just as I tried not smoking. I've been "cured" for 6 months from the depression that I was supposedly not suppose to have. I haven't had a smoke in almost two years, yet I can not help but think both nasty habits are a part of my identity. I'm a depressed asexual chain smoker and I'm not alone. I need to stop listening to others. Strange ways, here I come.

I meant drugs, but yeah, people abuse "rugs" too. We all know you're bald.

Kill your television!




I will take a second to rant about something non political and that is this… Television sucks. I don’t mean the good old fashioned Cosby Show and Family Ties programming. Heck, even the current line up has some redeemable programs. I like “The Amazing Race” and gather around every week with friends to watch it. “The Daily Show” and “Chappelle’s Show” are great too. The problem is this mindless box tends to suck a disproportionate amount of my time directly into the toilet. I think it is to blame for our nation’s non existent attention span, the inability for most people to tolerate silence and the need for them to fill silence with music or chatter or worse yet, television for background noise. Kids don’t read anymore and they get fat sitting in front of the TV watching commercials selling them junk food and junk toys. My generation was attacked by the same advertising too. The only difference is my parents actually said “no” from time to time and even better than that, they didn’t let the idiot box raise me. Sometimes we even read together and even more shocking; my parents talked to me about important stuff like life philosophies and how to question what is “normal.” So I’m going back to my roots and throwing out the baby with the bath water. I’ll still get the weekly dose of TV when I meet with friends for “The Amazing Race”, but I’m officially announcing my split with television. The last few days I’ve made a tentative break and my mind is more alive than it has been in years. The last couple of years, I have watched more TV then I probably did the first 25 years of my life. During that time, I’ve become depressed, incredibly boring and worst of all, a consumer on par with the average populist. It is a great escape, but so too are rugs and alcohol and I’ve gone out of my way to avoid an addiction to both. Sin seems to be relative to the culture under which it is practiced.

Kill your television!




I will take a second to rant about something non political and that is this… Television sucks. I don’t mean the good old fashioned Cosby Show and Family Ties programming. Heck, even the current line up has some redeemable programs. I like “The Amazing Race” and gather around every week with friends to watch it. “The Daily Show” and “Chappelle’s Show” are great too. The problem is this mindless box tends to suck a disproportionate amount of my time directly into the toilet. I think it is to blame for our nation’s non existent attention span, the inability for most people to tolerate silence and the need for them to fill silence with music or chatter or worse yet, television for background noise. Kids don’t read anymore and they get fat sitting in front of the TV watching commercials selling them junk food and junk toys. My generation was attacked by the same advertising too. The only difference is my parents actually said “no” from time to time and even better than that, they didn’t let the idiot box raise me. Sometimes we even read together and even more shocking; my parents talked to me about important stuff like life philosophies and how to question what is “normal.” So I’m going back to my roots and throwing out the baby with the bath water. I’ll still get the weekly dose of TV when I meet with friends for “The Amazing Race”, but I’m officially announcing my split with television. The last few days I’ve made a tentative break and my mind is more alive than it has been in years. The last couple of years, I have watched more TV then I probably did the first 25 years of my life. During that time, I’ve become depressed, incredibly boring and worst of all, a consumer on par with the average populist. It is a great escape, but so too are rugs and alcohol and I’ve gone out of my way to avoid an addiction to both. Sin seems to be relative to the culture under which it is practiced.

A dreaded sunny day so I meet you at the cemetery gates. Keats and Yeats are on your side,while Wilde is on mine

~The Smiths


Florida is still hot, sticky and very much pro-Bush. So it goes I suppose. I have grown so apathetic; I can not even watch the Daily Show anymore. I use to be Mr. Current Events. In fact, last night I tried to convince a friend of mind to not stand up for what he believes in anymore, but instead to just accept what his professor says and work on getting his degree done. How awful is that? Not so much when you consider that he needs to look at the bigger picture and realize that not agreeing with a professor should not be the stumbling block between you and finishing college. Of course, that notion is reflective of my overall ennui. I just don’t care anymore.


It wasn’t so long ago I was passionate about things, even if in the “quiet desperation” sort of way. Now, I just don’t care. I have been without TV for a week for the most part. I have avoided the news like the plague and I’m done worrying about America. I feel like the parent who has watched their kid spiral down the path to drug addiction. OK, if Jimmy wants to fellate strangers for crack, who am I to stop him? If America wants more Bush, then let them have it. I have retired my spark. You can lead a horse to water, but you can not make him drink. Horses are pretty strong too and damn good swimmers, so the other option of drowning this analogical horse is out of the question. Good luck, drop me a post card dear America and remember next time you gaze up at the Statue of Liberty, the French gave us that.

So I am at work today. What a way to spend Saturday. The funny thing is I am the only “old timer” here. Everyone else is new. Our new security guard is Indian (red dot not feather)* and his cell phone ring sounds like “Brim Fulla Asha.” It got me thinking that that song has become the anthem for all things Indian. Every movie that has Indian people in it that wasn’t made in Bollywood has that song it its previews. The real beauty of it is A) most people have no clue what it is about and B) it is incredible easy to play. If memory serves its complex note system is something like CCCCCC GG.

Which one of you tipped off PETA? I’ve been trying to cut back on carbs so I will not loose my ill fated weight loss bet with my cousin. I have until new years to loose more weight than him and something tells me Mrs. Cousin has him on the treadmill for 2 hours every morning. I may fly to Connecticut one weekend, take a look at him and then come home. It could be done. I’m checking priceline.

Anyway, watching carbs means you really end up eating a lot of meat. Somehow, although I haven’t practiced the dark art of vegetarianism** in two years, PETA tracked me down and saw fit to send me a DVD that has roughly an hour of slaughterhouse footage. It truly is disgusting. So I’m back to the social conscious question. I seem to be the only person in the world who gets fatter as a vegetarian. I also feel like I’ve been hot by a truck, get bad migraines and the only time I ever get acne is when I go veg. I wouldn’t make this up. So my heart tells me I should give up meat, but my brain says that lifestyle wasn’t good for me. What to do. I know both sides of the fence read this blog, so leave a brother some feedback.




*Blame Jay-Z for that un-PC verbiage.
** I think vegetarians are great people and make the world a better place.

Grace passed away 30 years ago!

Not THAT Grace.

OK, if you like the vacation movies like I do and/or you have a fetish for exotic carved things, boy do I have the website for you. I want to meet the people behind this.

Poor little guy. I feel your pain dude.

Don't kill the messemger, but here are some interesting facts about farm raised turkeys.

It was a beautiful dayyyyyyyyyy.


Yes, it is nice out and I’m glad to finally be able wear a sports coat**, although it is a little hot today. This is the time of year this bug infested tourist trap becomes bearable and downright lovable. Can I handle not having the sun for months on end? Can I live without year round beach access? Can I live without my family near by? My friends?

Truthfully, I don’t play tackle football with my nephews every weekend, nor do I have a golden tan. I guess I’ll only know how much I’ll miss these things when I actually move. I’m so conflicted right now and sitting on the fence is the worst place to be. I use to believe just doing SOMETHING was the wise choice, but now I know that weighing my options and not doing anything rash is best. I want an Ipod, but I have not bought an Ipod. It is these simple exercises in restraint that build character. I want to pack up the car and go to Seattle. I’m afraid I’ll hate it there. What do you do? For the time being…nothing.



**yes I am aware I’m a dork.

Dear God,

Please help me stop being shallow.

Love,
Jon

If only I thought this stood a chance of getting answered. Well in the past, I’ve dated women I wasn’t really all that attracted to, because they were interested in me. I know at least one girl who felt nothing for me, but I absolutely loved her. I even been lucky enough to have one relationship were we both loved each other, but there were so many things stacked against us and we were so incredibly wrong for each other, that it lasted about 18 months and thus far, it has taken a couple of years to recover from.

So once again, I’m starting to feel like I might not want to be single forever. I’m not one of the horribly codependent types that has to constantly be in a relationship. In fact most of the time, I’m content to stay single until friends and family start prodding me to get off my arse and get back in the game. So, where do I go?

I think a big obstacle for me is I am incredibly shallow. It might have a lot to do with the fact I am just the type of person who does not see the point in going through the exercise of a relationship if I’m not in love. This begs the question, do most people fall in love and then start dating or start dating and fall in love? I have no clue. In my experiences, I’ve never been a dater. I don’t go out with strangers and my relationships have always evolved from friendships.

Why then, you might ask, do I not take a chance on some random woman. It isn’t the fear of rejection. I get rejected all the time for lots of things in life and I mostly roll with the punches. I think my problem is that I, like oh so many folks out there, am holding off for this magical Hollywood style romance that we have jammed down our throat. I keep thinking I’ll meet this stunning young lady who is funny and beautiful and everything I ever dreamed of. The truth is, she probably isn’t out there and I’m smart enough to accept that.


Since the chance of meeting a perfect woman are slim to none, I have been asking myself lately if I should just throw in the towel. I really suspect that a lot of this desire we have to have a mate in life is not so much hardwired to our brain through evolution, but is instead just the result of us responding to what society tells us to do. These are the acceptable social norms we are supposed to adhere to. We are supposed to have a partner. This notion transcends all races, nations and even sexual preferences. It seems like on a long enough time line everyone pairs off.

Do these people settle? You see the beautiful woman with the ugly guy or the funny guy with the incredibly dull wife or the Harvard grad with the cocktail waitress and wonder how these people came together. What is the secret to putting all your hang-ups and misconceptions into the back of your brain long enough to give someone an honest chance? I know this much. Most of the “beautiful” people of the world are shallow, horrible, cut throat and mean. It seems to come with the turf. If most of us want to be happy, we’ll have to stop setting our sites on a 10 and instead look to find somebody who compliments us as a person. We all get wrinkled and fat as we age. So how important are looks really? Can we overcome that inclination to find the most attractive mate we can. It seems that ever 6 out there thinks they deserve a 10. I suppose I’m no exception, but at least I am acknowledging this and vowing to work on it. As Madonna once said, “beauty’s where you find it.”

Another cool stop action Tim Burton flick.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0121164/

As the Boss said, baby we were born to run.

As the Boss said, baby we were born to run.

No wonder the man keeps having heart attacks. He has to supply blood to this thing.

I guess I just don’t understand people. As a guy, I’ve never gotten the obsession with sports (mainly football) by guys that are way too out of shape to even run a scrimmage. I’ve never understood this obsession with beer since it tastes like absolute crap and doesn’t do anything but make you loose all sense of judgment which brings me to the last thing I don’t understand….why guys will throw themselves at women that are so obviously out of their league. A lot of guys seem to think they deserve a super model.

Then I get this email forward form my sister. It listed lots of “classes” for men to teach them things like how to refill the toilet paper or leave the toilet seat down. It made me realize the reason guys act like this. Simply put, its because it is what women want. I kid you not. This could be the only logical explination for why I stay single. I present no challenge, no project, no room for improvement.

I'm not saying I'm perfect. Hells nooo, but I do have a lot of my $h1t together.I’m funny, clean, intelligent, have a good job, a degree, pay my own bills, keep a clean bathroom and smell fantastic. I also don’t dress like a total slob, throw myself at big boobied blonds, waste brain cells memorizing sport stats from 30 years ago nor do I waste brain cells on Natty Light.

So maybe I’m giving off the wrong vibe. Women probably think I’m gay. I really would not be surprised, because I seem to be the only guy that has a clue about anything and is attracted to women. The worse part is, I’ll actually listen to what a woman is saying and I even have relationships with women I’m not related to that are not motivated by a desire to get laid. Weird huh?

If the man in your life doesn’t have sense enough to refill the toilet paper roll, then on behalf of all of us with the Y chromosome, I will apologize. Chances are that is something else he doesn't do often.

I think most of you know I’m the leftist pacifist type. So you’ll probably be surprised by my take on this issue, but I really think if we are ever going to get Iraq straightened out, we’ll have to fight dirty. A lot of these people function like savages http://news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/nm/20041116/ts_nm/iraq_hassan_dc

My brother was there in desert storm and as he admits, there are lots of good people in Iraq, but there are also plenty of them that are straight up and down evil. The sick thing is that they are just a result of the world they have lived in. Saddam ruled by fear and torture. So they think nothing of killing some female aid worker and video taping the whole thing as a scare tactic. It’s the type of communication they know.

So it is with heavy heart that I say “f-It.” Next time we capture one of these guys that we know has executed someone (easy enough to find since they taped it and put it on Al-Jazz era ) then we need to video tape them getting their head cut off and run it on the evening news over there. Sick? Yes. Barbaric? Certainly.

Jingoistic tough talk I know. I just don’t think our presence is taken seriously and we don’t seem to be playing to win in Iraq. So, if we have to be there and there is no backing out now, then we need to find a way to win the war of public opinion in Iraq. I was not serious about running a beheading g on the evening news, because that would be stooping to conquer. We do however need to realize we are not dealing with a population that is NOT accustom to things like treaties and occupying forces indicating a war is over. If they will kill a female aid worker, then they have zero qualms with killing our troops that are seen right now as an unwanted foreign occupier and thanks to our Moron and Chief, we are stuck there for the inevitable future. America, I ask again, why did you reelect him?

So I bit the bullet last night and finally rented that Bridget Jones movie. I kept hearing how great it was and with the sequel coming out, I figured there must be something to it. It wasn’t bad actually. I just didn’t get what made poor Bridget such a loser? I’d be pretty happy with a chain smoking snarky* and not anorexic woman with a little attitude. I need a Bridget Jones. So if you haven’t seen it, the film is worth a rent. If nothing better comes along, I intend to get a pint of Ben and Jerry’s and watch it and the sequel back to back on my 30th birthday. God I hope something better comes along.

What the hell were the Beatles thinking with that “9” song at the end of the White Album? I’m guessing that was Yoko’s idea.


* feel free to start using this word a lot. I’m trying to make it part of our slang

So here I sit. Honestly, its rare I have a night where everyone is completely unavailable. Tonight is such a night. I guess back in 1999 when I had moved to the big city and established an apartment, a job and could pay my own bills I got lonely. I also got the notion if I moved back to my hometown I would never be lonely again. Boy was I wrong.

So 5 years on, here I sit trying to figure out something to do tonight. I could hit Barnes and Noble and read by myself. I could do the same at Cafe 11. I could drive around. I already drive 2 hours a day anyway. I have a few friends I could call, but they have kids and that means that doing something as simple as getting a cup of coffee requires planning days in advance. I'd imagine they might even envy my freedom from time to time. I don't think you're missing much. Between school and work I manage to keep myself nice and busy, but tonight I'm feeling the isolation that I so often think I actually want.

I’ve never really been a Kerouac fan. Sure I have read his stuff and I like a good deal of it, but I don’t see what all the fuss is about. Not too long ago, I realized we are both Pisces. So I think the unique perspective he had on the world isn’t all that unique to me since its about the same way I see the world. He was always observing others and looking for universal themes. That seems to be a lot of what occupies my time too. I look around and take it all in. I’m fond of the world, but never wholly part of it.

Maybe astrology is crap, because Elliott Smith, a Leo, just as accurately captured that world view that Jack and I share. The only difference is while Jack and I see the whole thing as an entertaining ride we have a front row seat to, Elliot let it get to him. Sometimes you can listen to his music and get that sense of disconnection that allows sensitive people to survive. Sometimes, you’d swear an 80 year old man was reflecting on his life and not some singer/song writer in his 30s still going through the motions of figuring it all out.

I guess what I’m getting at is “From a Basement on the Hill” is worth buying and listening too. Really sit down and listen to it. It waffles between a melodic suicide note and a man’s desperate plea for understanding from a world that he is far too smart to expect to ever get acceptance or empathy from. I would not do it justice in words, but if you get through life based on your perceptions or you think too much for your own good, then give it a listen. I just hope you do a better job backing away from the abyss than he did. It is easy enough to look at someone so talented and wander why he wasted that talent by killing himself. I think he just saw the big picture and viewed the rest of his days as a futile exercise in trying to forget what he uncovered.
This is not my life
it's just a fond farewell to a friend

It is finished!


The mullet and I had a good run. The shtick was wearing thin and it looked like absolute crap. I felt like Joey Buttafucco, minus the underage gun totting lover. So I’m back to looking scrubbed and clean cut. Sorry, I’m a dork and that’s just how we role. At least the haircut downplayed the awful dye job. I’m already getting compliments from the lady folk, so watch out.

OK Mr. Nader. 1,2,3,4,5,6. it is still 6 votes. Sorry.

I need to accept being a silver fox. This dying your hair business is bad news. I went for dark brown dye which is truly what my hair color is. After two days of washing that crap out, my hair looks black bordering on purple. Its very Goth, which is sort of funny since 10 years ago I would think the look is cool. In the BS adult world, people react differently. I actually like it, but I would rather not have to deal with the weird looks I get as coworkers are making the split second internal debate as to if they should mention my screwed up hair or not. I’m accepting the gray. This is it. Besides, I look young for my age anyway, so maybe some gray hair will even the playing field.


I just downloaded the bass tabs for “Evil” by Interpol. It is fast becoming my “Helter Skelter.” I’m unnaturally obsessed with the song. As for the rest of their two albums, they’re growing on me, but that song really stands out as my favorite. Maybe I just haven’t appreciated the rest of their catalogue. Now Michael Bolton…I celebrate his entire catalogue.

I just gained a lot of respect for Slim Shady.

Where were these teachers when I was 14?

I love Seattle so much, I should probably marry it.

I saw this episode of 20/20 last week. It had a lot of interesting information about attraction. The part that really got me was the experiment they conducted that found women were not attracted to short men. Even when a shorter guy was in a line up and the surveyors told the women the short guys had great careers or did good charity work, they still lost out to the taller guys who were also a lot less attractive. I guess you can not fight biological imperatives. I always think it is funny that even short women tend to marry men who are a lot taller. The ultimate betrayal: )




I was hoping maybe the trend was changing. If there was one good thing about this election, the shorter candidate won the presidential seat. This is only the third time that has happened in US history. W stands about 5’10”, while Kerry is nearly 6’5”. That is quite a difference. I guess if Tom Cruise and W have taught us anything, it is that being cocky makes up for being short.

Another good reason to leave this God forsaken hell hole. The heat makes people here in Florida crazy.

Buck Fush

There I got that out of the way. I’m sorry to see he won, but from a nation that loves Ashley Simpson and reality TV, I would expect no less. Luckily, I am pushing 29 and have a heart condition. I’m guessing they will not be drafting my a$$. So good luck to the apathetic young folks who didn’t bother to vote or better yet, to those who were dumb enough to vote Bush (you know who you are) remember, its not just a job its an adventure.


Luckily I was safely in the bosom of the west coast. In Seattle, there are lots of lesbians driving Subaru’s and they stop at crosswalks and yield to pedestrians, even men. I’ve made up my mind that I’m heading there in the summer when the masters is done. I’ll miss home in a horrible way, but having been there on Election Day, I know that I was among like-minded people and my heart goes out to my friends who were here in the south and had to endure the Bushit.

Stay focused. Must be happy. Truthfully I am happy. I just saw REM near their hometown, camped in the keys, flew out to Seattle, watched the election returns in the café where they filmed a lot of “Twin Peaks” episodes and then rode the space needle up on the very rare and elusive sunny November day in Seattle. Watching the sun come up off the Florida Keys and seeing it set over a snow covered mountain all within the same week can not lead a brother to be anything but content and happy.

I even managed to attend a southern Baptist church today and not explode. I went with my family down in Tampa and I am proud to say I was the only one who did NOT clap when they congratulated the new commander and thief. It was a beautiful way to end the break. My dad was the wiser one and just opted not to attend. Curiosity got to me, so I had to check it out and to the pastors credit, Bush only got 30 seconds of the sermon. The truth is, Bush is done appealing to the Christian right. He already got their votes.

I learned on this trip that I was meant to be born on the west coast. I also learned my dad knows a surprisingly large part of Sheryl Crow’s catalogue. I learned that months after his death Elliott Smith can still put out a brilliant album. I learned that Death Cab for Cutie, Interpol, the Thrills and the Libertines are all well worth the hype. I learned my cousin is homophobic to the point that my elderly grandfather holding his hand while they walk is “gay” to him. I learned there is such a thing as “damn fine pie and coffee.” I learned REM could still throw down, even with only a half filed stadium. I learned two weeks off is great, until you have to go back to work. I learned people take blog comments too seriously.

Hopefully I taught a few lessons on my journey. I think I showed my friend Jesse that having an old friend around is sometimes exactly what you need. I showed my dad that just spending time with someone heals better than clumsy words. More importantly, he is now probably the only 62 year old that knows when someone sings “Rosemarrrryyyy” to you, the only proper response is “heaven restores you in life.” All total, I logged 9,000 miles in two weeks and not once did I get hung up on worrying about work or the future and freedom from both was well worth the money and effort it took to get away.