Dear God,
Please help me stop being shallow.
Love,
Jon
If only I thought this stood a chance of getting answered. Well in the past, I’ve dated women I wasn’t really all that attracted to, because they were interested in me. I know at least one girl who felt nothing for me, but I absolutely loved her. I even been lucky enough to have one relationship were we both loved each other, but there were so many things stacked against us and we were so incredibly wrong for each other, that it lasted about 18 months and thus far, it has taken a couple of years to recover from.
So once again, I’m starting to feel like I might not want to be single forever. I’m not one of the horribly codependent types that has to constantly be in a relationship. In fact most of the time, I’m content to stay single until friends and family start prodding me to get off my arse and get back in the game. So, where do I go?
I think a big obstacle for me is I am incredibly shallow. It might have a lot to do with the fact I am just the type of person who does not see the point in going through the exercise of a relationship if I’m not in love. This begs the question, do most people fall in love and then start dating or start dating and fall in love? I have no clue. In my experiences, I’ve never been a dater. I don’t go out with strangers and my relationships have always evolved from friendships.
Why then, you might ask, do I not take a chance on some random woman. It isn’t the fear of rejection. I get rejected all the time for lots of things in life and I mostly roll with the punches. I think my problem is that I, like oh so many folks out there, am holding off for this magical Hollywood style romance that we have jammed down our throat. I keep thinking I’ll meet this stunning young lady who is funny and beautiful and everything I ever dreamed of. The truth is, she probably isn’t out there and I’m smart enough to accept that.
Since the chance of meeting a perfect woman are slim to none, I have been asking myself lately if I should just throw in the towel. I really suspect that a lot of this desire we have to have a mate in life is not so much hardwired to our brain through evolution, but is instead just the result of us responding to what society tells us to do. These are the acceptable social norms we are supposed to adhere to. We are supposed to have a partner. This notion transcends all races, nations and even sexual preferences. It seems like on a long enough time line everyone pairs off.
Do these people settle? You see the beautiful woman with the ugly guy or the funny guy with the incredibly dull wife or the Harvard grad with the cocktail waitress and wonder how these people came together. What is the secret to putting all your hang-ups and misconceptions into the back of your brain long enough to give someone an honest chance? I know this much. Most of the “beautiful” people of the world are shallow, horrible, cut throat and mean. It seems to come with the turf. If most of us want to be happy, we’ll have to stop setting our sites on a 10 and instead look to find somebody who compliments us as a person. We all get wrinkled and fat as we age. So how important are looks really? Can we overcome that inclination to find the most attractive mate we can. It seems that ever 6 out there thinks they deserve a 10. I suppose I’m no exception, but at least I am acknowledging this and vowing to work on it. As Madonna once said, “beauty’s where you find it.”
Please help me stop being shallow.
Love,
Jon
If only I thought this stood a chance of getting answered. Well in the past, I’ve dated women I wasn’t really all that attracted to, because they were interested in me. I know at least one girl who felt nothing for me, but I absolutely loved her. I even been lucky enough to have one relationship were we both loved each other, but there were so many things stacked against us and we were so incredibly wrong for each other, that it lasted about 18 months and thus far, it has taken a couple of years to recover from.
So once again, I’m starting to feel like I might not want to be single forever. I’m not one of the horribly codependent types that has to constantly be in a relationship. In fact most of the time, I’m content to stay single until friends and family start prodding me to get off my arse and get back in the game. So, where do I go?
I think a big obstacle for me is I am incredibly shallow. It might have a lot to do with the fact I am just the type of person who does not see the point in going through the exercise of a relationship if I’m not in love. This begs the question, do most people fall in love and then start dating or start dating and fall in love? I have no clue. In my experiences, I’ve never been a dater. I don’t go out with strangers and my relationships have always evolved from friendships.
Why then, you might ask, do I not take a chance on some random woman. It isn’t the fear of rejection. I get rejected all the time for lots of things in life and I mostly roll with the punches. I think my problem is that I, like oh so many folks out there, am holding off for this magical Hollywood style romance that we have jammed down our throat. I keep thinking I’ll meet this stunning young lady who is funny and beautiful and everything I ever dreamed of. The truth is, she probably isn’t out there and I’m smart enough to accept that.
Since the chance of meeting a perfect woman are slim to none, I have been asking myself lately if I should just throw in the towel. I really suspect that a lot of this desire we have to have a mate in life is not so much hardwired to our brain through evolution, but is instead just the result of us responding to what society tells us to do. These are the acceptable social norms we are supposed to adhere to. We are supposed to have a partner. This notion transcends all races, nations and even sexual preferences. It seems like on a long enough time line everyone pairs off.
Do these people settle? You see the beautiful woman with the ugly guy or the funny guy with the incredibly dull wife or the Harvard grad with the cocktail waitress and wonder how these people came together. What is the secret to putting all your hang-ups and misconceptions into the back of your brain long enough to give someone an honest chance? I know this much. Most of the “beautiful” people of the world are shallow, horrible, cut throat and mean. It seems to come with the turf. If most of us want to be happy, we’ll have to stop setting our sites on a 10 and instead look to find somebody who compliments us as a person. We all get wrinkled and fat as we age. So how important are looks really? Can we overcome that inclination to find the most attractive mate we can. It seems that ever 6 out there thinks they deserve a 10. I suppose I’m no exception, but at least I am acknowledging this and vowing to work on it. As Madonna once said, “beauty’s where you find it.”
1 Comments:
I don't think that it is shallow not to want to start a relationship with a stranger. That is how I feel too. It seems that you don't want to put the time in, if you get the slightest feeling that something could be wrong. You don't strike me as shallow. We will call it "selective".
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