I suppose in some parallel universe I am a fantastic English teacher. My joy for the subject has always stemmed from a genuine burning love for literature and poetry. Some of the happiest moments of my life have included sitting in Kerouac’s favorite chair in his favorite bar in Seattle. I spent far too much time one afternoon in Concord studying Emerson’s house. I just met my fiancée’s sister that afternoon and I’m sure I made a lousy first impression. “Nice to meet you, I’m a total geek. Let’s go stalk some long dead writer.” God forbid I ever visit Emily Dickinson’s hometown.

Like so many things in life, I have a romantic view and I know the harsh reality wouldn’t hold up to the light of day. This dream I lived. Well, sorta. I’ll leave the firing I still consider unfair (it was on THE 9-11) and the circumstances that found me teaching high school English all those years ago out of this narrative. I’m fortunate it didn’t work out because it triggered a chain of events that brought me here. Yet it also soiled my passion for a career that I loved from day one.

So if I get the gumption and the desire, I know I could teach again. I just wonder how long I would last. Between the education system’s love of syntax and grammar over literature and poetry to the dedication of at least 98% of my time to teaching specifically for the FCAT, I don’t think it would be all it is cracked up to be. Still more than a small part of me wants to engage some kids in Edgar Allen Poe on Halloween or Robert Frost in the dead of winter. Oh captain, my captain. I still hate grammar.

This is one of the few times in my life I feel compelled to write a fan letter. I’m sure Owen Wilson would never see the letter, but I’d feel better writing it. He just always seemed to me like a very down to earth person. You have to respect anyone who can maintain a strong bond with his brother in a city like Hollywood. Something just tells me he is a good and decent guy. I could be completely wrong.

It just seems like Owen Wilson has a good heart and I can honestly say he is one of the few people in Hollywood I would honestly be saddened to see pass. He co-wrote two of my favorite films and he has the ability to carry a few duds with his charisma. Sadly he may be less like the oblivious Dupree and more like the deeply troubled Eli Cash. With any luck he’ll pull out of this.

So Owen, I know writing you is completely pointless and I know if you really did try and take your own life you’re in the grip of a deep depression. Just know there are probably millions of faceless fans out here that think the world is a better place because you are in it. I hope you get back on your feet soon and get back to blowing 7 different kinds of smoke.

Best wishes,
Mr. Littlejeans