I’ve noticed a rash of “cool new people” on myspace that have a theme. There seem to be a lot of women in “Rainbow Brite” costumes. It is quite disturbing.


So I’ve decided to create a new cash cow. The south loves Larry the Cable Guy. So for the rest of the country I have created Shlomo the Gas Guy. Shlomo because Judaism is mostly for the North and out west. Gas because we have electricity in the South but the rest of the country seems to use natural gas. I’ll have to give him a catch phrase like “Oy-Me-Vey” or something comparable. Any suggestions?

Andy Milonakis is actually 30?
I don't think he's funny, but I always gave him credit for being a kid and putting his own show together. The dude is 30 huh? Then his show genuinely is bad.

Everything is wrong!


What a great album title, because good Lord it is true.

Aside from the disaster that we’ve turned our environment and our own government into, we still live in a world with such evils as human trafficking, genocide and animal testing. All things any advance society should have done away with decades ago.


I tried hard not to pay attention. Our security (both mentally and strategically) rest on mountains of denial. At any point, the very things that hold each of us up here in the “first” world could and likely will get yanked out from under us and it probably will not take a terrorist plot. Is it karma, or natural order? Who knows, but we have built a society that rules on the backs of the poor. This isn’t a manifesto, it is just a fact.


First off, right now in our face is a news story that is readily getting swept under the rug. The illegal immigrants that work all the jobs we’re too good to work are starting to stand up of themselves. They have too, because no one else is. In 20 years, we’ll probably live in a country were the majority of the citizens speak Spanish. Ask yourself what will become of that? I’ll tell you what; the new majority will be tried of being forced to work menial jobs for menial pay. As a country we’ve been abusing groups like Mexicans by allowing them into this country to work in substandard conditions for substandard pay. They are given no rights as citizens and yet the very foundation of our work force depends on their presence here.

As a white dude, I’m already appreciating the irony of all the former CEOs strapping on leaf blowers to work 16 hour days for minimum wage. In some ways I look forward to the day. Not because I want to see our nation go under, nor do I have “un-American” sentiment. It is just history repeating itself and this nation became what it is today with slave labor. While it has morphed into a society of serfdom, it still is hardly a land of equality.


This brings up another fine point. Is anyone paying attention to Asia? In my lifetime, I expect China will become the next super power. If nothing else, the sheer number of citizens in China all but guarantee they’ll always have a ready and viable army. The United States and Western Europe has long enjoyed the cheap and limitless goods coming out of China. Imagine how little a company must pay for something as simple as a $1.50 toothbrush if it is worth their time and money to ship it all the way from Asia and they still make a profit. Eventually Asians will get tired of making cheap products for us. When that happens, we can only hope it doesn’t coincide with our own homegrown cheap workforce taking a stand.

Aside from all of this, places like China are increasingly using more oil. So those of us here in the first world are no longer going to be the biggest buyer for Middle East oil reserves. Eventually the region will either find a political or financial reason to cut us off. In all likelihood it will come when we’re already down on our luck. I guess when it is all said and done; denial might be the very fabric that holds the whole mess together. I doubt the Romans sat around and wondered when the whole thing would go down the privy.

By the way, I’m back. The Keys are lovely, just not when I’m there. It was in the 60s, overcast and rainy. That’s about all I have to say about that.


So it is back to business here on the home front. Lots of family related goings on, but hardly anything I want to air publicly. It is always best to avoid hanging out the really streaked undies lest the neighbors see them.

I don't see what the fuss is. Britney looks better in this sculpture than she has in years

Too hot to handle, too cold to hold?


Well I’m off for a few days starting this evening. It is a much needed break form the monotony of everyday existence. The mission, should we choose to accept it, is a camping trip down to the Keys. What a beautiful place. Of course there is no way I could possibly afford to live there full time, but it is nice to visit (see also Taos and Snoqualmie Mountain).

Aside from needing the break, camping is always a little challenging to our comfort level. Personally, I’m already a little squeamish about being in the “wild.” In this case, it is a K.O.A., but I digress. Compared to my high speed internet enriched, DVR enhanced world were every episode of “Family Guy” is readily at hand, the thought of community showers, no AC and a complete absence of the two boxes I spend most of the day staring at, it will be a huge change of pace. Hopefully it will also be a good one.

Last time I was in the Keys, I saw some of the most beautiful stars. Even with a few K-Marts and some major tourist traffic, there isn’t enough light bouncing off the little islands to block the stars. I’ve seen some amazing night sky’s in my time. In the high desserts of New Mexico, not only are you at a different elevation, but a different longitude and latitude. Any place with one radio station has just the right level of humanity to keep stars most of us have never seen in the night sky.

Cape Cod on a frosty winter night and the night sky in my hometown 20 years ago are also amazing views. The latter is now gone forever, but there was a time within my lifetime when you could go to the beach at night and look up at the sky and feel a million miles away from civilization. Investment properties and strip malls have wiped that away. My fear is that those days will one day be gone from the handful of places I’ve traveled where you can still see the unobstructed night’s sky. Is that worth losing for a Starbucks?

I remember getting a small telescope fro Christmas when I was in grade school. I went out in the frosty winter’s night to look for Halley’s Comet.
I became frustrated trying to set up and balance the thing just to get a glimpse of the comet. Yet that night, I sat outside looking at the night’s sky in search of a comet that wouldn’t be around for another 76 years next to a dog who wouldn’t live to see another 10. Sometimes you have to look up to keep things in perspective.

Not to many band survive the type of hype the "Yeah Yeah Yeahs" got off their last album. So far, so good on their latest. It is a little more refined, but still uniquely them. You can listen here.

So apparently Tim McGraw did a cover of "When the Stars Go Blue." Add that to the Corrs version with Bono and this song, that isn't even 5 years old, has been covered twice already. Poor Ryan Adams is becoming the next Bob Dylan. Everyone else is turning his songs into hits for themselves. I hope he gets paid a little, because at last check the dude looked messy and hungry and reminded me a little too much of that Jessie kid that won the MTV VJ contest a decade ago.

Do your remember the 5th of November?

It’s Guy Fawkes Day in England.

For those of us who have no clue what it is about, it was the day Guy Fawkes planned to blow up England’s parliament.


Now, the guys who brought us the Matrix trilogy have a new movie out called “V for Vendetta” that revolves around keeping this day close at hand. Last night I caught the film with minimal expectations. It seems most of the movies these days are just bad. Hollywood executives wondering about slumping ticket sales. Maybe if they put out a decent film they’d still get a few patrons.

“V” was actually good. It was well written, well acted and had a point. You can not say that about too many movies these days. What really got me hooked was the title character V. The actor Hugo Weaving performed the entire film with a ceramic mask. Yet he still came off as a believable “every man.” That says a lot about his performance skills, because without facial expressions, he still managed to create a believable and sometimes moving character.

If you haven’t heard buzz about this already, the film has a simple point, yet one we often get comfortable and forget. The film focuses on the near future and a British government that has used fear to manipulate absolute power from its people. Anyone who questions the government gets a bag throw over the head and disappears mysteriously. Sadly, that doesn’t seem too far fetched these days. So V reminds us that the government should fear its people and not the other way around. Seeing that message on the big screen during these times is invaluable.

Without getting into the PETA scare tactics that are associated with most proclamations about eating animal products, I have to say dairy and I have never gotten along. It isn’t that I am lactose intolerant. I tolerate lactose. Especially when it moves into inner city neighborhoods, creates a Bohemian atmosphere and cleans the place up subsequently raising property values. Wait, that isn’t dairy.


Anyway, my point is this. Should we be eating this stuff? All my life I have had a distaste for dairy foods. I only recently started eating ice cream, because like so many women, my girlfriend loves the stuff. I can still take it or leave it. Leave it I will. I’ve been feeling ill lately and all around not so good. The only major changes I’ve made in the last few years is eating more dairy and more artificially sweetened foods. I honestly don’t like either. So why do I eat them?


Well, we are constantly told dairy is the wonder food that helps with weight loss, builds strong teeth and bones and fills us with lots of healthy protein and calcium. Maybe that is true. Maybe not. There are growing resistance groups to this idea. Granted the internet has people who waste time arguing violently about “X-Men 3” and which Spice Girl led to the group’s demise. It is a dumping ground for crap. What you can not ignore is how unnatural milk is. Really, what other animal eats the milk of another nursing species? Other animals eat meat and other animals eat vegetables, fruits and even natural grains. So the dairy thing seems counter intuitive.

Not to mention, it just doesn’t feel right. The texture and flavor of dairy foods more often than not makes me feel ill. As well, Aspartame and other artificial sweeteners are something I’ve also never gotten use to. But, we’re told to avoid empty calories. So I’ve been drinking diet drinks lately in hopes of shedding pounds. Do you sometimes get the impression the so called “medical” community doesn’t know what they’re talking about? I have no doubt the food manufacturers behind these sweeteners have buckets of money to feed lobbyist.

So today, I’m vowing not to force myself to eat things I find disgusting. I don’t care how much society, the food pyramid or so called “nutritionists” advocate things like low calorie sweeteners and dairy products. I’m just going to trust my gut for once and start phasing these things out.

Scientology is the new Mormonism.


It is the kooky religion we love to hate.

So Chef is leaving “South Park?” No doubt that stems from the pressure he is getting from the “church” of Scientology. I think it is funny the creators of the show point out that their program has been making cracks at religion for years. Not to mention the elderly, minorities and political correctness. The show came about from a cartoon Parker and Stone made about Jesus fighting Santa Claus for turf rights to Christmas. That alone should tell you it is irreverent.

I think scientology is a dangerous thing. I really do. A guy like Isaac Hayes spent years rebuilding his career and making money on the backs of the Jews, Muslims and Christians the program loves to make fun of. Yet when his own whacked out beliefs were brought into the public eye and ridiculed, he ran.

I’d imagine as an individual, he probably would have stayed on the show. Honestly, what else does he have to do with his time? Instead the Scientologists have pressured him into leaving. What would you expect from a religion founded by a science fiction writer that is based on the assumption little antibodies from dead aliens invade our cells and cause all life’s pain and grief? Do these people even read the literature before they sign up?

Nanoo, Nanoo

If you walkaway, walkaway
I walkaway, walkaway..I will follow
~U2

Funny how the paths and crossroads come to pass in life. I’m going to not touch on this latest one because A) I don’t want to jinx it and B) I’m getting ahead of myself.


In true fashion I’m overanalyzing things again. I have lately been revisiting the things I find as “callings’ and the practicality AKA expiration date has passed on them. I grew up wanting to be a veterinarian and Botany along with Calculus threw a major wrench into that plan. Now that I’m motivated to pursue such a career, I’m also faced with starting back from scratch at 30. I wish I had been a little more motivated to study back in the day.

The truth is the other great career that has always appealed to me is the priesthood. Ok, before you make the obvious jokes, I’m not into little kids. There is a laundry list of reasons I couldn’t be a priest. For starters, I have a sometimes crass sense humor that I don’t think would go over too well in that field.
Aside from that, I think the church should be passing out condoms to third world folks and horny teenagers and last but not least, I don’t get into the whole Marian intercession thing.

So maybe I should consider some less rigid sect of Christianity. Truth is I can not even reconcile that in my mind. Aside from what you might believe and what the Catholic Church tells you, the real reason priests are not allowed to marry is simple. If you have a family and a religious calling, you’ll never be fully devoted to both. There will always be trade offs.


So maybe the monk-like existence suites me. It really does have a lot of appeal. Yet, I’m also now in a position where I’ve found someone I want to start a family with. So that has pretty well smoldered any aspirations for a spiritual life. I just can not explain to anyone why the idea is so appealing. I could always explore other avenues like Buddhism. They’ll live in quiet reflection. I can not tell you that doesn’t appeal to me. It just seems any time I find some potential path to fill that spiritual void; some dogmatic roadblock gets in the way. Is there such thing as apathetic spiritualism? We can all gather at the mall and sit on the bench in front of J.C Penney’s and sigh in unison on Sundays.

I really just want to whisper the Aristocrats joke to Pope Benedict. Then my work here is done.

You couldn't pay me enough to go to Iraq. Every day, people go there on their own free will. While it is sad when anyone gets hurt or killed, the troops go because they understand the dangers. Why civilians go is beyond me. So what if Halliburton is paying you $90,000 a year to drive a bus, you’re risking your life every day. What is hardest to understand are the people who go without financial gain or military obligation. I'm guessing this guy went because he thought he could make some kind of difference for the people of Iraq.

I remember a time, not long ago
Before myspace and phones to go.
Jessica Simpson was still unknown
And Mr. T. was bad to the bone.

I pity the fool who can’t recall
When Michael Jackson still had it all.
When MTV played videos and
Little girls didn’t dress like hos.

Time and again I start to reflect
“What was so wrong with that?”
Kids grew up showing adults respect
Discipline kept the brats in check.

Now a days you’ll hardly see
Any sense of accountability.
Customer service is now outsourced
And George Lucas ruined the force.

Paris Hilton is a star
Joey Lawrence lives in his car.
Martha Stewart went to jail
Your favorite songs are up for sale.

When it seems that times are hard
We’ll all whip out the credit card.
As we’re drowning in our debt
The government takes a cue from it

College is not affordable
Kids learn out or portables.
Playstations are good to go
While young bellies grow and grow.

800 channels and a DVR
Kids watch Disney in the car.
Ritalin, more oft than not
Has replaced things like pot.

Our drugs get stronger, self control weaker
Is happiness really in a beaker?
Fox News feeds us lines of crap
Suburban kids just love the rap.


It seems that I may never see
The world just as it use to be.
So I throw both hands in the air
And just admit it’s no longer there.

I think it is time rethink what is cool.


I’ve fallen out of touch with the hipster bohemians that always give me motivation to discover new things. It seems like most of us (and by us I mean folks with office type jobs who end up doing most of our shopping in a strip mall) get in a rut culturally. It is easy to think that what plays at the Cineplex and what music show sup in “Spin” is the crux of all things cultural.

I can think of at least a handful of great artists that I fell in love with around trips out west to Seattle. It sounds funny now to think that these bands were once obscure. The first time I went out west, I was exposed to Modest Mouse (albeit a friend of mine who lived in New York at the time first played them for me). I was really getting into the bad about the time I ventured out west. Of course, by the time I got there in 2000, the real deal hipsters abandoned them already, a full 4 years before the band would have a genuine hit.

That same trip, I was also introduced to Elliot Smith. Right away, I knew this guy was a full blown genius. It wasn’t until two years later when I was out west again that I made it to Portland and got to see many of the haunts he once frequented. It was also on this adventure that I got my first taste of the white Stripes. Apparently they were getting “big” but here in my corner of the south, they still remained unknown.

Last but not least, I was out west around the last presidential election. It was then that I heard Interpol. My friends on this coast have never gotten into the band, so I long for actually having a few Interpol fans to chat with about the band. I just think they’re genius. Of course, I have I-Tunes and KEXP online, but for some reason even the best new stuff isn’t moving me anymore.

It could be a sign of me getting older. The last Belle and Sebastian album and Franz Ferdinand’s sophomore LP just didn’t do anything for me. I distinctly remember being full on elated they were both coming out with new records, but in the in they evoked a sigh on my part. Lately, I’ve liked “Mates of State” a good bit, but as far as new music that moves my soul, I’m starting to wonder if the well has run dry or if I have subconsciously taken the bucket out.

Anyone else noticed the Gadget mobile looks like a Honda Element?




Speaking of cars, if you happened to graduate from Flagler College, then check this out. Otherwise, go back to surfing for smut.

I called and this is legit.


Flagler College license plate now available FREE!



Flagler College is 115 plates shy of the state imposed 1,000 minimum. If the minimum is not met by June 30, 2006 the Flagler College plate will no longer exist. This means current plates cannot be renewed and new plates cannot be purchased. We need your help!

Flagler College will pay the license plate replacement fee AND order your Flagler plate for you. Simply fax or mail the Office of College Relations a copy of your current vehicle registration, auto insurance card, and driver’s license. Flagler College will then mail you a replacement license plate at no charge. This program will run until June 30, 2006 at which point we hope Flagler College will have 1,000 license plates on the road.

This program is open to all Flagler College alumni with Florida license plates. Flagler will pay for the tag swap but will not cover annual registration fees. Vanity plates are available at an additional charge from any tag agency. If you decide to keep your Flagler College license plate, a $27 fee will be added to your annual registration fees. Keep in mind, $25 comes right back to Flagler College to support scholarships, student activities, faculty enrichment and more.

Please send copies to:
Flagler College

Office of College Relations

P.O. Box 1027

St. Augustine, FL 32085



Fax: 904-823-9477

The moral of the story….smoke.

So sad to see someone who seemed, at least to an outsider, to be a genuinely good person. She stayed and took care of her husband when he was completely paralyzed. Luckily, most of us would never be faced with that. Hopefully, they are happily reunited now.

“I’m feeling thankful, for the small things today.”
~Cracker “Happy Birthday (To Me)”


If you watch enough MTV, I don’t exist.

By the time I finish pounding this blog entry out, I’ll be 30 or within mere minutes of the event. It was 30 years ago that two people who no longer speak were united in getting to the hospital for the birth of their son.
I haven’t figured the world out yet, but I do know this.
Marry and have kids when you’re 19. After that, you’ll
probably know better. Beyond that, I’m at a loss as to what to instill on the youngins. Just trust me when I tell you that 30 will be here well before you expect it and most likely before you’re ready for it.

It is, however, just another day.

In my humble opinion, I think they should broadcast “The Razzies.”
In a time when nearly every movie is a remake of something that was unoriginal in the first place, the competition is heating up for a Razzie. As far as the Oscars go, there were probably a half dozen actual good movie last year. "Brokeback Mountain” deserves the attention it gets, because it didn’t compartmentalize gay characters into a stereotype and it also did a great job making the main characters very human. If some forklift driving good old boy in Nutbuster, Oklahoma sneaks to the local video store to rent this movie in 6 months, then “Brokeback Mountain” served its purpose. Why are people so afraid of homosexuality?

So Oscar worthy films aside, the Razzie nominees are a far more interesting crop. For my money, “the 40 Year-Old Virgin” was probably the most entertaining film of the year. “Wedding Crashers” was pretty hilarious as well. So, I like to escape with a dumb movie from time to time. Sue me. Luckily, neither was up for a Razzie. On the other hand, the academy snubbed them.

Honestly, I think the latest Harry Potter movie deserved something. I’m a recent convert to the Harry Potter phenomenon and the first two movies are a joke next to the last two. Especially Goblet of Fire. The acting was top notch, the script was engaging and the effects and cinematography were phenomenal. Oh and what little I caught of the Oscars included the retrospective of all the Hollywood celebrities that died this last year.

One notable celebrity left off their montage was Don Knots. Apparently he didn’t contribute anything to film. Obviously these people have never seen “The Ghost and Mr. Chicken.”

My knee hurts today.


Maybe this is part of getting older. I just didn’t expect the old knee to give out at 30. I’ve made a few cracks at starting a running program and inevitably end up getting hurt. Even taking it very slow, I once screwed up my Achilles. I have a pretty high pain threshold, so for me to tell you it HURT means that really hurt.


So now I’m worried about my knee. It honestly feels like the tendons that normally have the consistency of a rubber band, now feel like a stretched rubber band about ready to pop. It is a weird feeling indeed.


Today I’m debating moving to eating organic products. I think a lot of processed food makes us fat. So maybe I should look at my diet as a medicinal investment and drop a little more money on groceries. Thanks to Weight watchers, I dropped my habit of eating out all the time. So that is a step in the right direction. Now comes the challenge of eating right.

I did manage to shave off 20 lbs. For that I am happy. My tenure with Weight watchers will end next month. Of course I could stay on it, but I think the nutritional lessons it teaches have already been engrained into my psyche. So I don’t see much point in continuing to pay for their service. Funny how I can type that and know I’m heading for trouble. I guess if nothing else, I lost my “relationship weight” and I’m back to comfortably wearing the clothes in my closet. That alone makes it worthwhile.


What bothers me about WW is the fact that I haven’t stuck to it the last few weeks. I’m finding it a hard regimen for a lifetime. Not because it is exceptionally difficult, but because there are times when I’m so hungry my stomach is making noises. There are also plenty of times when I reach the end of the day and I have points left I need to eat, but I’m not at all hungry. It just doesn’t seem healthy to me to bring yourself to the point where your body is crying out for food, nor does it seem healthy to have to stuff your face when you aren’t hungry just because not eating will slow your metabolism.

So maybe the dietary truth lies in moving to whole grains and fruits and vegetables and low fat proteins. I think that is a more beneficial and sustainable lifestyle. The only scary part is, can I be disciplined enough to maintain that? It is a question only I can answer. I have made amazing inroads the last couple of months and the times I have slipped up and had fries or sweets, they truthfully taste awful. I’ve lost my desire for them. Here’s to hoping that doesn’t change in the months to come.

Here is a link to what the Pierson Twins look like. Thanks be to Carrie

I ran into an old friend online. I remember wanting one of these n the worst way when I was a kid. Unfortunately, $100 was a little steep for my pockets. Memories.

There aren’t many people that get under my skin, but the Pierson Twins drive me nuts. If you’re lucky enough to not live the NEFLA area, then you can probably stop reading now. The Pierson Twins are about 10. I’m no expert on gauging kid’s ages, but that is about right.


Anyway, their father, in some lapse of parental judgment, puts them on television and has them dress exactly alike and speak in unison endorsing his Toyota dealership. Imagine the voice delivery and charisma of the Borg from Star Trek the Next Generation. Ok, too geeky for you? How about Kevin spacey yelling monotone into the Grand Canyon and the resulting echo. Then the fact they look like Monchichis
tells me they truly are the type of kids ONLY a parent would think are cute enough to be on TV.


OK, so why am I poking fun at little kids? Mostly because they have absolutely no inherent talent or good looks and their dumb ass parents still parade them on TV. It kind of isn’t their fault. Yet I’m sure they eat it up. They are probably quite popular and full of themselves. So maybe I’m just the type of bitter fat nerd they enjoy tormenting. Either way, far more people are going to see them on television then will ever read my blog. So in all honesty, they have the public’s attention, I don’t.

Luckily their parents are smart enough to keep their picture off the web. I wanted you to see what they look like, but minus the snappy delivery, their charm is really lost on anyone outside of the signal of our local stations. I had the pleasure of seeing them in person at Target a few weeks back. They were wearing matching pink track suits. I pondered for a moment and wondered if they in fact do talk in unison. I even considered going up to their mother and telling her just how moronic they are parading their talent-less offspring on the tube.

Of course my better judgment kicked in. They are, after all, kids. I just wonder why a parent would subject their child to the public eye. I’m sure the vast majority of people come up and say nice things about how cute their kids are. The rest of us can not get behind that lie, so we say nothing and ignore these mini celebrities. Luckily their parents have enough good sense to keep their pictures off the net. Maybe the parental instinct will kick in and they’ll get the sense to take them off the television too.

Does anyone else find it odd Madonna is on the Chochella roster? Maybe Cher will headline the Vans Warp Tour.