I’m starting to think that the more I am around people in relationships, the less I want one. Yeah, I know this sounds like some bitter guy who has been hurt. I’m being honest… it isn’t. I just think the whole expectation that you have to have a girlfriend/wife/whatever for your life to have any meaning is ridiculous. I think if I was female, it would be much worse. Society, unfortunately, still tells women they need a man to complete them. Add that to the biological imperative to get the eggs fertilized before it is too late and you have a recipe for disaster.


We all have those friends who spend 24/7 together. For some reason you find it annoying, because they’re both great people, but when they are together 24/7 they exist in their own vacuum. You reach the point where you don’t have much to say to either of them when you catch them alone. It is almost off setting. It is like seeing half a body walking around the house. “So, where’s the torso?” This is love. It is only enjoyable if you are in it and usually the fun doesn’t last very long.


I’ve been there and done that and it isn’t always pleasant for the other people who care about you. I don’t know if this is a guy thing. We tend to get so elated with the fact we’re getting some action, that we forget there are other valuable relationships in our life. If history has taught me anything, it is this. Most of the time love ends badly. All of the time it fades, or at the very least morphs into mutually avoiding the obvious problems. I hate to say “why bother”, but honestly, why bother? I guess because we’ve spent our whole life being told that ending up alone is the worse thing in the world. I’ll be if you look around at the people you know over 60; the vast majority of them ARE alone either through divorce or death.

It seems as though I either fall in love with women I am not compatible with or I’m compatible with women I can not fall in love with. It sucks when someone loves you and you can not love them back. The only thing that is worse is loving someone and knowing they don’t love you back. On a scale of probability, the chances of finding mutual and lasting attraction and compatibility are pretty close to null. If you do find it, chances are one of you has enough baggage to sink your cruise to La LA Land.


Maybe this sad world view is the product of a generation raised by single mothers. Who knows? Sure, I’d like to find love and be in a relationship. Am I loosing sleep over it? No. Of course, if it wasn’t bothering me, I probably wouldn’t have taken the time to create this blog entry. I guess I’m not as immune as I like to think.

I need a digital camera. If for no other reason, I could post a current picture of myself. My friend Matt left to teach in Spain and we have had this long going bet (which at one point involved some serious money wagers) that I would not grow a mullet. I figured since the lady well was tapped long ago, there really isn't any reason not to grow one. Will it kill my love life? Doubtful. Worse case scenario I'll end up getting fired and become a martyr for the cause of redneck haircuts. I'll probably get free Pabst Blue Ribbon and Red man for life.


The only problem is the party that is suppose to be in the back, has moved up front. I forgot why I have kept my hair short for so long. I have a fro. Not only a fro, but one that grows in the shape of a mushroom. It was mad cool back in 1992 when I could get by with the shaved sides and the back and one wild crazy top. In 2004, it looks beyond retarded. I am, however, a man of my word. So I am growing my hair and hoping for the best mullet I can pull off. The good news is I have a huge head and all this wild wavy hair is making it look smaller. Plus lots of guys my age are loosing their hair. If you got it flaunt it.

I have never had arthritis in any way until this last month. I’ve been hitting the gym hard, so I wrote it off as muscle aches. I knew full well the pain and ache was coming from my bones though. It did not feel muscular. So I tried to think of an alternate source. I realized quickly that I had gone from avoiding aspartame to drinking lots of diet soda. That was the major change. Before even attempting consuming the stuff again, I did lots of reading and found it was the most tested substance the FDA ever approved. The general consensus I found was that aspartame does not have ill effects on everyone who uses it. So the rule of thumb was if you did not have a reaction, it was safe to use.


Well after downing half a bottle of Alieve this last week I finally put two and two together. I’m giving up aspartame again. It can not be good for you. The first time I tried it as a kid; I became violently ill for hours. Then years later I started using it in diet sodas and triggered a prolonged bout with migraines that eventually resulted in me being medicated and once I gave up the meds and aspartame, the migraines went away. Now, as some one who has never felt arthritic in his life, I have to wonder if aspartame is responsible. I looked around and I am not alone in this experience.

I just learned one of the kindest human beings I have ever met passed away. Dr. Dow will be greatly missed.

Oh my stars!~


So I got out of the “projected” hurricane path and went to Tampa and of course, the hurricane came to Tampa. Which just proves my theory. No, not the one about Germans and Hasselhoff. It proves that any field that will certify Al Roker must be a joke. I’ll spare you the harrowing story from the front lines. It was rough.

It seems these days the only thing cooler than being on the Atkins diet is being gay. At this rate, I think the nation should be fantastically thin and have fabulously decorated homes in 6 months. Of course, with all trends, these will both die off soon enough and everyone will go back to eating pasta and rapping along to Eminem’s hate speech.

I finally booked my trip. I’m camping in the Keys the last week of October and then I’m going to Seattle for a week. I call it my corners of the country tour.


And that’s how the world began.
And that’s how the world will end.

I'm not a gamer. I don't own a system and I haven't stayed up all night played a video game since the weekend "The Legend of Zelda" came out. Yes, THE legend of Zelda from 15 years ago. Yet, there are 3 very kick a$$ video games out this week that have me contemplating getting a system. There is the Star Wars game "Battlefront" that lets you be in every Star Wars movie battle playing for either side. I heard you can even unload a few rounds into some Ewoks. Nub nub!

I suppose if there is an option to cap Jar Jar, I will HAVE to buy a Gamecube. This game is certainly awakening my inner 12 year old, but as if to taunt me, there is also a new X-Men game that lets you be any of the X-Men characters and you can pick and choose your powers. Then, last but not least is the Sims 2. The first Sims hooked my Mom. Yes, my mother, the woman who gave birth to me is a Sims-head. So I may buckle and check out this new version. I just hope beyond hope that I don't get suckered into any of them; because it is time better spent practicing my guitar or bass or even better yet doing homework. At least now if I choose to play video games over doing my homework, I have a credit card to support my habit.



I still want an SUV. I think socially conscious 20 year old Jon would probably shoot me if I bought a gas hog. 28 year old Jon doesn't want blood stains on his cargo pants. I use to think yuppies should be killed on site. Good times.

Is it just me, or are you sick of these movies about high school football teams?


Today it is cloudy and in the 80s and truthfully one of the most pleasant days I’ve had in Florida in months. The oppressive heat has passed for another year. That is what passes for fall in the Sunshine State. Once it finally becomes bearable to walk to your car, you know summer has ended. Thank God! The funny thing about the sunshine state is it rains here almost everyday. I could make a clever, but vulgar analogy, but I’ll leave it alone. Its wetter than…you fill in the blanks.


I was watching “Insomniac” last night (not the movie, but the TV show where Dave Atell gets drunk in a new city each week). This particular episode he was in Tokyo. I swear I would like Japan. The main reason is it doesn’t get all that hot. I could go for cool weather. Cherry blossoms look awesome when they bloom and Japan is crawling with them. Crime is unheard of there. People even leave their keys in their cars. Japan is also a nation of vending machines. You can get just about anything you would ever want in a vending machine there. They also watch more TV in Japan than the US, yet they are smarter and a hell of a lot slimmer than us. Japanese women are often very beautiful and they like Americans and American culture for the most part and most Japanese love the chance to practice their Engrish. The people are impeccably clean. Folks stay out of your business. I could go one. Why haven’t I packed my bags yet?



OK, the bad parts of Japan that already scare me off are as follows. Anime. They’re obsessed with porn and it usually involves a fixation on school girls. I support your right to free press, but isn’t this just breeding a nation of pedophiles? The food is weird. Even their candy has ingredients like octopus and squid. They’re obsessed with baseball which is perhaps the most boring sport in the world (on the plus side, they play stuff like Weezer during the games instead of “Whoomp there it is”). They have lots of rules on etiquette that westerners would be too ignorant to ever understand, let alone abide by. I also suspect as a foreigner, you will always be held at arm’s length. The Japanese seem very friendly, but being an outsider would likely never change. If you did try to integrate into their culture, the Japanese language is difficult to learn. Why do you think they all know English? It must be a breeze to learn to them after mastering their native tongue.


Maybe someday I’ll trade in McDonalds for massage parlors and steak for sushi, but I don’t think it will be any time soon. I suppose we’re lucky we can live in a country with lots of sushi restaurants and martial arts films, but where we are not expected to commit suicide if we accidentally fart during a business dinner. Still, I’d like to live somewhere where I would be considered a giant. At least for a year or so.

I'm honestly ready to move. I don't know where, but I've sort of reached the point where I can not take anymore.

Cat Stevens is flaged as a terrorist?


Apparently, "the land of the free" isn't so free after all.

I am getting rid of the internet and my TV. Ignorance is bliss.

It seems like lately I’ve lost some weight. I have had a couple of people comment on it and I have had a few pictures come back lately where even I must acknowledge it. So my weight loss begs the question, “what did I do right?”


It’s a loaded one. Could it have been my recent subway kick where I’ve been feasting Jared Fogle style on low fat subs. Could it have been when I gave up soda for a couple of months? I finally went back, but to strictly diet soda. Maybe that helped, since when I drink soda (diet or otherwise) I eat a lot less. Maybe it is the fact that I’ve been exercising like a fiend. Yet that doesn’t help either, because I started out running, then became an elliptical machine maniac and then moved on to some crazy weight training routine.


I guess my problem is I lack focus, because one, all or some off these things obviously worked, but how do I know what to keep up with? I probably shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth. Which is probably the dumbest of expressions ever added to the human vernacular. Ever since I got tossed off of “Bobbie” in the New Mexican mountains, I doubt I’ll get close enough to a horse again to see its mouth. Nothing like seeing your life flash before you to make you realize you don’t want to be Christopher Reeves, minus the loving wife and millions in residuals from “Superman III”, but that is another story all together.

It is so strange, but I made up my mind this morning I would have a good day. The cards are squarely stacked against me today though, because I just started classes again. That in and of itself will cause a $h1t ton of stress. Of course, Tuesday is my first day of the work week and I have voicemails and messages a plenty. Yet I made up my mind this was going to be a good one and so far I have managed to maintain that attitude. I use to find positive thinking annoying, but in a weird way it is addictive. OK, nothing like Marlboro full flavor cigarettes, but addictive in its own way. I don’t want to be one of these annoyingly positive people, but honestly it is a much easier world view to maintain than the one where everything is awful and life isn’t worth living. The truth is you have to fake it until you make it.

I guess when you write a blog, it is just as much a search for self as it is about picking universal truths and trying to relate your experiences in a way others can unilaterally nod along in agreement too.



So today, I have determined I have commitment issues. For the first time ever, I have the ability to pay off my car. Immediately, it scares me to think about it. What if I need my savings and I have all my money dumped into a car? The truth is, the cars interest rate right now is much higher than than the probably 1% I’m getting out of a savings account. Yet I think that is the curse of the Pisces. We can clearly see the logical solution, but we still want to follow our gut. My gut says I want (want is the key word) a different car.


I see paying off the car as something on par with automobile marriage. OK, I’m not going to drive a 2000 model Sentra around until I die. You’ve got me there. I would, however, be committing to driving this thing into the ground. So here I am unable to commit. I know once I write that check and pay the car off, it is MY car. It no longer belongs to the bank and if it gets sick, I can not just go trade it in for something new and add the remaining balance to my new financing. Once it is paid off, I’d be lucky to get anything for a trade in and if it has real issues, I would feel awful unloading it onto anyone but a dealership.

So here I am in the automotive equivalent to marriage. I planed to go seal the deal tomorrow, but I keep looking around at others cars. I want (that word again) something larger or more powerful or flashier. I keep thinking I’ll find a deal on a sexier or newer or just plain better looking car. The reality is I would probably just buy someone else’s headache. So I should just settle for plain old Yoko, the no thrills Nissan Sentra. If she knew I was talking about her like this, she would stop running tomorrow. Of course, that’s after I leave the credit union and dump my life savings into our relationship.

It strange how we can sometimes get exposed to something in life and think nothing of it and then years later really like it. Case in point…Diet Pepsi. I gave up soda a while back and last week I got a combo at Subway and they were out of tea. So, I had Diet Pepsi knowing that A) I hate diet soda and B) it would probably be the least caloric option. Turns out I loved it. In the can (not the bathroom) it tastes pretty bad. From a fountain, I can hardly tell the difference. I read a lot on aspartame. It was probably the most tested substance ever. I’m guessing if it does turn out to be a killer, then we will have one hell of a class action lawsuit on our hands.


The second thing that took me by surprise was the Dixie Chicks. I’m not too fond of possum eater music, but that has a lot more to do with the politics of people like Toby Keith. He single handedly wants to fly around the globe putting his boot up people’s asses. I think for 5 minutes post 9-11 I thought that might be a good idea. Luckily, that kind of balls out jingoism has never been my thing. Perhaps Toby Keith owes us and his Mom an apology. I’m sure she raised him better than that. Most of us Southerners are gentlemen and even a few of us are educated. OK, where was I? Oh yes, the Dixie Chicks. Well they’re doing the Vote for Change tour and of course these ladies are hated on by the right wing redneck country fans. All the more reason for me to give them a serious listen. I must say, I like what I hear.

Hopefully no one would be dumb enough to waste their vote during this critical election anyway, but I'm glad to see Ralph might not make the cut. I don't think he is a bad guy. It just seems odd that he did all this talk about making a difference and then disappeared for three years in a time when we needed a dissenting voice more than ever. If he really cared, I suspect he would be around trying to make a difference if he was running for president or not. He disappeared until it was time to run again. Let’s be honest Ralph, your chances of getting into office are slimmer than Calista Flockhart.

Way back in 1996, before my parents generation got hip to the internet, I got my first email forward. I was a 20 year old college student and once I visited this site, I finally understood the potential of the internet. I'm glad it is still up. It was the first funny website and the first email forward I ever got.

I don’t know what it is about SUVs, but I have been wanting one lately. I have a compact car now and prior to that, I have had only big cars. First I had an old Cadillac, then a giant Volvo wagon, then a series of trucks, with a brief stop in SUV town in the form of a Jeep Cherokee that the bank eventually took back. Long story about tough times and I will spare you. It was awfully nice to be so high off the ground. Apparently, SUVs are no safer than regular cars, but I can at least you feel much safer in a truck or SUV. This especially holds true when you live in a state that has weekly hurricanes. I have hit lots of branches this week and held my breath hoping my axle wouldn’t pop off. Maybe I’m just a scared little yuppie who is afraid of the world or worse yet, I have little man syndrome. My Mom is 5 foot tall in really good shoes and she always drove tanks. In a world where bigger is better, a large car is sometimes all we short folks have.


Wow, talk about freaky dreams. Last night I could not fall asleep until after 3 AM. I feel asleep and dreamed I was in the nursing home room my grandmother use to have. Instead of my Grandmother being in the bed, my sister was in a gown sitting on the bed. It makes sense since she is now fighting cancer just a few months after loosing our grandmother. The super creepy part was my sister got up from the bed and left the room and her disconnected arm was lying on the bed squirming. WAIT, it gets freakier. I was unnerved, so I sat on the couch to get my bearings and noticed this Sacred Heart of Jesus statue standing next to me. It was constructed about the size of a yard gnome. I looked at it and said “Jesus, we’re going to have to clean this place out.” I was referring to all my Grandmother’s belongings. As soon as I said that, the Jesus statue’s arm flipped up nutcracker style and smacked me so hard in the mouth I woke right up. It was then that I remembered thinking before I went to bed that I wish I had some sign that I should even practice my faith anymore. I don’t know what the dream meant, but the weird part was that by my calculations, I had been asleep only a couple of minutes and boy was it vivid! I’m actually still pretty shook up about it.

I really enjoyed "Garden State." It was a better film than I expected. I'm also glad someone I know didn't get a part in it. She was going to be in a scene that would have done nothing for her acting career, other than a SAG card. Anyway, this guy was my least favorite character. In fact, he has never sat right with me in any film. Turns out, we have the exact some birthday, although he is much, much older than me. OK, a little older. Astrology is creepy.

Thank you FPL!

Civilization returns!

Paradise Lost

I guess like most Floridians I’ve been through enough hurricanes to know that the majority of people over react. I guess that is good, since being in the path of a category 3 or larger storm can cause some real devastation. I didn’t expect much from Frances, but in the end it did some damage to St Augustine. While the damage was mostly roof tiles and beach erosion, for me personally the hardest challenge has been living without electricity.

I think civilization hangs by a very thin thread and a lot of that has to do with modern conveniences. There was a reason why this swampland we call a state was largely unpopulated prior to the invention of air conditioning and ice. I haven’t had either in days. Of course, I’m at work and I don’t think I have ever been so happy to report for duty. The cool AC and the abundance of information available through the internet has really made me appreciate what I’ve been without lately.

Some time after midnight last night, after sweating off a good 10 pounds, I decided to create a screen for my window. For those of you who live in places without millions of subspecies of creatures that think your flesh as the staple of their diet, opening a window without a screen in Florida is moronic and downright suicidal. So I sliced an old tee shirt and with a roll of duct tape created a screen. It was an invention MacGyver would be proud of. Unfortunately, it didn’t help much at all. Sometime after 4 AM, I trekked to Wal Mart to see if maybe they had battery operated fans. I don’t think anyone has laughed as hard as the guy working the graveyard shift in sporting goods did when some sweaty moron with bed head asked him that ridiculous question in the middle of the night.

Finally, I managed to sleep in my car with the AC going for an hour. It was the best quality sleep I had all night, but like ice and warm food, gas is a hot commodity right now. So I had to conserve it and crawl back into my miserable hot bed. Luckily the cold shave and shower this morning really cooled me off. Somewhere between the kids you see on UNICEF ads with flies around their heads and the lifestyle most of the free world is leading right now exists a group of refugees at the mercy of Florida Power and Light. Granted, things could have been much worse and in the grand scheme of things living with fewer amenities for a few days pales in comparison with the way most of the world lives. Like I said, civilization as we know it hangs by a very thin string. Just do yourself a favor and buy a battery powered fan ahead of time.

It took me almost two hours to get to work today. I was snagged in stop and go traffic on I-95. My commute normally takes 35-45 minutes, but the entire state of Florida seems to be fleeing and here I sit…at work. I’m calm as a Buddhist monk right now. I think that this thing will pass through South Florida. I’m not happy about that, because they just got done with Charlie. Not to mention some of my family lives in Tampa and I would hate for them to get hit. Yet I wouldn’t wish it on the Carolinas either since not only do they get far too many of these, but I have family there too. Yes, the noble thing would be to stand on the beach in full "Braveheart” regalia and beat my chest and scream “come Armageddon, come.” I don’t want to get this storm though. I’m a total wimp. Best case scenario, it heads back out to the Atlantic and the cold waters. Then Home Depot just made another killing, the surfers got to feel like they are in Oahu for a few days and everyone else is perfectly safe. As that noble laureate Eddie Vedder once said, “escape is never the safest bet.” The interstate has more cars than R Kelly’s pantry has Teddy Grahams.

The dichotomy of Wal Mart blows my mind. No dirty words on their CDs, but they don't seem to hold the same standard for books.

It seems like there are always things we are ill informed about until it is too late. So maybe, just maybe, I should take this free space to disillusion a few people.


SMOKERS
You will always crave a cigarette should you choose to quit. My grandmother was well into her 80s and was over 40 years smoke free and she still craved them from time to time. I quit almost 2 years ago, but if they cure cancer tomorrow, you better believe I’d light up a sweet Marlboro Regular full strength. Heck, I’d probably bite off the filter.


TEENS
If you think life sucks now, hang on, it gets worst. Fortunately, your power of denial gets stronger. My only regret is I didn’t live the kind of teenage years all the adults seem to be afraid I was living. Being in the Latin Club doesn’t exactly get a guy any action.

COLLEGE GRADS
Guess what, you’ll be lucky to make $30,000 a year. If you do make more, you probably live in San Francisco and pay $2,000 a month in rent. My advice to you is to get a part time gig at a glory hole somewhere. Trust me, that night job will not suck nearly as bad as whatever the Man ends up forcing you to do. A word to the wise, your job will not involve a thing you learned in school and even if you do end up doing what you studied, or worse yet what you love, you’ll end up hating it when you do it 40+ hours a week for a few years.

THE UNMARRIED
Ok, I fall into this category, but here is the deal if you haven’t figured it out yet. Most of the married people of the world are miserable. How else do you explain the divorce rate? So these people, in order to justify their mistakes or maybe to support the old “misery loves company” philosophy, will try everything they can to convince you married life is “da bomb.” Don’t believe the hype. I know a few happily married couples, but they are the exception. For guys, this warning holds especially true. As a test to see if you’re ready for marriage, throw all your favorite things in the trash, set your TV to a channel you hate and break the remote, put someone else in control of your finances and don’t have sex for a year. If you can survive that, you’re ready to get married.

SKINNY PEOPLE
Yes, you’re going to say “fat people eat a lot.” OK, you got me there. Many fat people eat a lot. There are plenty of skinny people who eat just as much or more and don’t put on any weight. Just as God made some of us tall and some of short, I’m thinking he just made some of us fat. Leave us the hell alone.

BALD GUYS
You aren’t fooling anyone. Just shave it already.

Sorry fellas. As a guy who probably could shave twice a day, I'm sad to see beards are not what the ladies like. I am a little suspicious that the only survey on the subject was done by an aftershave company.

I can not explain why I like these guys. I usually just listen to the weepy bastard bands from Scotland, but I really like this new Velvet Revolver song”Fall To Pieces” a lot. Scott Weiland looks like the walking dead but he is a much better vocalist than Axel Rose ever was, so when you combine his vocals with what’s left of GN’R, it sort of, well, rocks. I suppose if I was 12, this would be my favorite band.

I just finished “Choke” from Chuck Palahniuk. I’m really getting into his writing style and he wins points with me because A) he calls the pacific northwest home and B) he is a fellow Pisces. I would be a fool to compare him to Kerouac, since the comparison doesn’t fit, but he does have a very unique way of making you both uncomfortable and instantly familiar with the situations he puts his characters into. A truly gifted and unique writer who has more than just ‘Fight Club” to offer.

Well, Bush should be announcing his replacement for Vice President this week. I think it will be the hip hop artist Chingy. Bush/Chingy 04 will be unstoppable. Bush appeals to all the middle age former frat boys who are now right wing nut jobs and Chingy will get the entire moronic and apathetic 18-30 crowd that doesn't vote, but would if a celebrity ran. See also Arnold Schwartzenheageuren. I don't know how to spell it, but he is that guy who gave a speak last night for the Republicans. His Dad was a Nazi, so I'm sure he knows how powerful a charismatic speaker can be. Right Thurr!

I'm not negative. I'm just trying to think of something positive to say right now. The RNC turned my stomach last night as the crowd was chanting all sorts of idiotic phrases. My favorite was "USA" because we all know the only people that love America are Republicans. That's why they're working so hard to run it into the ground, because it just isn't what it use to be.