“You were right when you said all that glitters isn't gold
You were right when you said all we are is dust in the wind
You were right when you said we're all just bricks in the wall
And when you said manic depression's a frustrated mess
…You were right when you said you cant always get what you want
You were right when you said it's a hard rain's gonna fall
You were right when you said were still running against the wind
Life goes on long after the thrill of living is gone
You were right when you said this is the end”
~Built To Spill

Do you ever think about it? Life does continue minus the thrill.

This idle Wednesday has become a day of resolutions. I was busy having my 3,867th crisis about turning 30 when I saw a flyer for the YMCA they just opened down the street from where I work. They are waiving the application fees and contract for the next month. So it was like a sign from God. Lots of gyms will waive fees, etc, but the YMCA never seems to do that type of stuff. So I could join with no fear of paying for something I will not use. Except, I know I’ll use it. When I lived a mile from my old gym, I went like clock work every morning. So I can see this working. It will be an effective way to use my lunch break. That time is otherwise spent sitting in my car (which is fun in Florida in August) jonesing for a smoke and listening to something depressing like Catherine Wheel. So maybe instead of having my daily internal dialogue of “go back to work” versus “drive away and never look back” I can instead go let off my frustrations about life on some poor stack of weights.

The funny thing is, unlike a lot of folks, I know I will use my gym membership. So maybe by the big 3-0 I’ll be in shape again. If not, at least I tried. Now I need to tweak my diet a little more.

My throat hurts.

I’ve been sick on and off now for a week. Just generally feeling worn down and having throat issues and a headache. Everyone got tired of hearing about it last week, so I stopped mentioning it. I really believe something is wrong with me and I get the range of suggestions from people such as “eat better” or “exercise more.” I tried both before and got nowhere really. I’ve always been a crappy sleeper and things don’t seem to be getting better lately. I just don’t feel right and everyone is treating me like a hypochondriac.


You bring the wood and I’ll bring the nails.

I found this site pretty interesting. Of course, after entering my info, I realized next week my 29th year will be at its halfway point. It seems like every year time flies a little faster. I’ll be 30 in 189 days. That blows my mind honestly. 30 seems so very adult.

It is always bittersweet after a hurricane comes through and misses the place you call home. While I’m absolutely ecstatic that we managed to receive no ill effects, it is sad to see how much devastation Katrina did. Not only is New Orleans famously below sea level, but it also has a large population of homeless people and many others who have little more than the clothes on their back. When it is all said and done, the death toll and damage of this storm will be beyond anything we have seen before. Unfortunately, this one may even surpass Andrew as the storm we compare all the others too. My thoughts and prayers are with everyone today who was touched in some way by this storm.

Quote of the day:
"A guy walks up to me and asks 'What's Punk?'. So I kick over a garbage can and say 'That's punk!'. So he kicks over the garbage can and says 'That's Punk?', and I say 'No that's trendy!'
-Billie Joe Armstrong

Some idiot always ruins it for the rest of us. I had to do away with anonymous comment posting since someone decided to start advertising in my comments section. Reminds me of that episode of "Futurama" where they beam commercials into people's dreams. Insane I tell ya.

Misty water colored memories!

Here is the recap of last year. I guess September is fast becoming my least favorite month to be a Floridian. Gods speed to those of you who were hit and will possibly be hit by this latest storm.

I still say this is one of the best songs of the last decade.
No, I'm not suicidal. I just see the beauty in what he wrote.

Elliott Smith "Fond Farewell"

The litebrite's now black and white
Cause you took apart a picture that wasn't right
Pitch burning on a shining sheet
The only maker that you'd want to meet
The dying man in a living room
Who's shadow paces the floor
Who'll take you out in the open door
This is not my life
It's just a fond farewell to a friend
It's not what I'm like
It's just a fond farewell to a friend
Who couldn't get things right
Fond farewell to a friend
He said really I just wanna dance
Good and evil matched perfect it's a great romance
I can deal with some psychic pain
If it'll slow down my higher brain
Veins full of disappearing ink
Vomiting in the kitchen sink
Disconnecting from the missing link
This is not my life
It's just a fond farewell to a friend
It's not what I'm like
It's just a fond farewell to a friend
Who couldn't get things right
Fond farewell to a friend
I see you're leaving me and taking up with the enemy
The cold comfort of the in between
A little less than a human being
A little less than a happy high
A little less than a suicide
The only things that you really tried
This is not my life
It's just a fond farewell to a friend
It's not what I'm like
It's just a fond farewell to a friend
Who couldn't get things right
Fond farewell to a friend
This is not my life
It's just a fond farewell to a friend

Today as I was driving in and jamming to both the Keiser Chiefs and T.I., it occurred to me I have about the weirdest taste in music. Some days I’m straight up southern fried crunk and other days I’m a Glasgow hipster. Just about the time I was overanalyzing this, I came to a four way stop and saw what had to be the lamest custom plate ever on a car. It was what at first looked like the Orlando Magic’s emblem. Upon further examination, I realized it actually said “Jesus.”

I really think the son of God has the worst P.R. firm ever. At least it could have been a winning team. It seems like God gets the short end of the stick when it comes to public figures. Pat Robertson has spent the last week PRAYING for the deaths of people he doesn’t agree with, including Supreme Court justices. The Christian music you hear on the radio is absolute crap and 9 times out of 10, it is a good 5-10 years behind the times. I’m sure most Christian pop stations are now cranking out something that sounds like C&C Music Factory

“Sweat, let the spirit take control,
Let the savior move you.”

So God, if you are listening, I have an idea. I think you’re doing a great job with a lot of things, but as far as your public persona, there’s room for improvement. Next time Amy Grant calls, let it go to voicemail. Maybe get someone like Isaac Brock on your team. He has been crying out for some spiritual sustenance for the past 10 years. It would probably take 2 minutes of your time to pop up at the foot of this guy’s bed one morning. Next thing you know, good music will actually be made in your name. As for Pat Robertson, let’s take a minute and say a short prayer that you will do the right thing and smite this idiot. Trust me, he’s bringing you down.

So I get a phone call from a middle school here in town. They need and English teacher and they want me to come in tomorrow for an interview. The problem is I have to work tomorrow. Not to mention I called in sick yesterday because I wasn’t feeling well, so I’m definitely not in the position to call in sick tomorrow and jeopardize the job I have already.

Something about this just doesn’t sit right with me. Sure, I believe teaching would be a great career for me, but my last experience teaching turned into a genuine nightmare. The fact that when I called these people back, they indicated I had to come in tomorrow because they are going to hire someone TOMORROW. That sounds fishy to me. If you’re a parent, you should be leery that the school system is making up its mind to hire by a certain day regardless of the candidate pool that comes in. It makes me wonder about the quality of people they’ll get for the position. Anyway, the situation sounds like last time (last minute hire to teach a rough group of kids). I have a feeling I would be writing more detention slips than reciting Thoreau to this group. Sometimes you just have to trust your gut.

She might be walking on sunshine, but she’s raising hell here in Florida. Hurricane season is back in effect. I don’t suppose this will lower property value any huh?

Well if you are thinking about moving to Florida, this is one of many reasons why you should think twice.

Some others include

1) Only 8% of the actual state looks like the postcards
2) Mosquito season is pretty much year round
3) You’ll be under the ruler ship of two of the Bush brothers
4) Property is insane and insurance is even worse since we all share the burden of ensuring the idiots who build right on the ocean.
5) Say goodbye to seasons
6) Its getting crowded and over developed
7) We don’t want you here (sorry)
8) It is beautiful when the sun is out, but rainy days leave little to do.
9) In the summer, it might be sunny, but that is only enjoyable on the days it isn’t pouring down rain, near 100 degrees or just so humid you sweat walking to your car.
10) There are no laws against showing skin at the beach and everyone does it.
11) People from Ohio and Canada seize the opportunity to show off their white bods at the beach.
12) Did I mention we have lots of sharks?
13) Did I mention the snakes?
14) Old people watch your every move and report any misdeeds to the cops, your landlord or the voices in their heads.
15) Bondo is a perfectly acceptable color for cars here.
16) Even your appliances rust if you live near the ocean.
17) Strip malls
18) Key West and Tallahassee are as different as any two cities you will ever see.
19) You might be stuck going to a place called Winn Dixie to get your groceries.
20) The shuttle could fall on you
21) Most of the “land’ here is swamps that we filled in.
22) Christmas is too cold for the beach and too hot for snow.
23) Limp Biskit
24) Creed
25) Miami Sound Machine
26) Not being able to get gas whenever a hurricane is anywhere near the state.
27) Boarding up every window in your house at least once a year.
28) Skin cancer
29) Well water
30) Mowing your lawn every 5 days
31) The main interstate crossing Florida still only has 2 lanes in both directions and it is ALWAYS congested.
32) No one is actually from here.
33) During a hurricane, most of the state loses power at some point. To simulate this experience, turn only the hot water on in your shower and close the door to the bathroom. Now lie down and try to fall asleep.
34) There are wild alligators
35) The pay scale is low here and the cost of living is high. Try living on Long Island with an Alabama paycheck.
36) People treat the state like a hotel room when they visit, so we have lots of trash lying around.
37) Drawbridges

River Phoenix would have been 35 today



It makes me think of the end of “Stand By Me” when the narrator writes “Although I hadn't seen him in more than ten years, I know I'll miss him forever.” I guess Hollywood is full of these stars that will remain forever young. Unfortunately the cost of being immortalized is dying young.

There are two things in the world that drive me nuts. The first is people that do not flush the toilet. It is just disgusting. In my younger days, I cleaned a ladies’ room or two and I know this isn’t just a male thing. I have, however, noticed it is always some cucumber sized dump that is floating in the unflushed toilet. Great, I’m glad you found something in life to be proud of. The rest of us don’t want to see it. So, take a mental picture or whip out your camera phone, I don’t care. All I ask is when you are done admiring it, please flush the damn toilet.

Issue two…rock trucks. I use to think this was a Florida occurrence. You know the rock trucks with the tape barely on the top and dropping rocks all over the place. You’ll probably best recognize it by the fact I’m stuck behind it. Blame it on bad karma or some past life misdeed, but I’m behind this thing almost daily. I’ve seen these things in at least a handful of states, so I’m wondering why there isn’t some legislation. Call it the “Bungee Bill,” how hard is it to tie down your tarp or at least not overload your rock load so that they're doing the one thing gravity calls upon them to do…fall. Duh! You have a large pile of loose rocks stacked over the top of your truck and the only thing between them and someone else’s windshield is a tarp flapping in the breeze. It isn’t rocket science people.

It is sort of funny how we labor under so many illusions to get from point A to point B in life. When I was a teenager I thought adulthood would be a great time. All the isolation and sense of not belonging goes away when you grow up and you know exactly what you want out of life and where you want it to take you. At the very least, you simply give up hope for anything more than a suburb and a desk job. See kids, the funny thing is, some of us never feel like these things are a good fit. So maybe there is hope somewhere down the road that it will slide on like a custom made glove, but I have a gut feeling it never will. Maybe this is completely normal for everyone or I’m just the lone weirdo who hopes to have more meaning in the next 50 or so years. Maybe I’m just missing the whole point.

Got drugs?

I have now dubbed my car the General Grant.

Jingle this!

So it’s August and Christmas has already reared its ugly head. I guess I just have a laundry list of reasons why I hate the holiday. First off, Christmas was not even the birth date of Jesus So please don’t tell me that is reason enough to celebrate. The same people that claim to put Christ back into Christmas are the same people that get in fist fights at Toys-R-Us over the coveted trendy toy of the year.

All things aside, I know Christmas was a tough time growing up. There were plenty of times when money was tight. The fact that I was ever disappointed because I didn’t get some stupid toy really irks me. As a not particularly materialistic adult, I’m disgusted I was ever upset over something so petty. Guess what, we live in a society that supports that attitude. A few years later, after opening many many presents, one of my young nephews exclaimed on Christmas morning “is that all there is!?!?!”

It was then I knew the holiday would never sit right with me again.

For starters, my family is fragmented these days across the globe. So we’ll never get together again for the holidays. Who would want to? There is so much infighting and years of anger, hurt and disagreement that putting these people in the same place, even for the most peaceful of holidays, would be asking for disaster. So even if it was an option, it wouldn’t be a viable one.

Perhaps I’m just at that point between being a child and having children and so the holiday has lost meaning to me for now. I think the truth lies in this…no matter what becomes of the holiday; nothing will feel like “home.” I’ve already made my first disappointment for the 05 holiday season. I guess I made plans to go up north with girlfriend. We had talked about it, but we all know in girl world casually mentioning anything is as good as signing a legally binding contract. I can not explain to her my Christmas issues, but I don’t want to be a grumpy miserable bastard around her family and chances are good that is how I will come off. No matter how many wonderful people open their homes and families to me on the holidays, these places are not my home and the families are not my family and that is the catch. No matter how wide I smile and how many carols I sing, the holiday is a stress filled vice that I can already feel closing in on me 4 months and a week before the big day.

Bah humbug

Is it just me or does Lance Armstrong look old as dirt? He is 4 years my senior.

I respect his success and commitment to his sport. I respect how he won a battle with cancer, but damn him for those yellow wrist bands. First off, Nike makes shoes in a highly unethical way. So it is OK to support American kids with cancer. What about the Asian ones that live in squalor and work 18 hour days?


Jeez, the soap box is looking shiny and pretty today, but I’m staying off of it.

I was thinking of Lance Armstrong because it seems lately everyone in my family has been battling cancer. I had a skin scare a while ago myself. So hopefully his little yellow bracelets are giving something to cancer research. There are lots of things you can outright avoid in regards to your health, but cancer is truly a complete crap shoot. Any one of us could get it at any time. People who have never smoked get lung cancer every day. None of us are safe.

I was just writing a friend of mine an email and shared one of my life truths that I have never vocalized. The value of your life is best seen by how many people show up for your funeral. The truest shame is that we don’t get to attend our funerals. If you could see how many people you have touched in one lifetime, then maybe you’d have a better outlook on what this all means and how much the journey is worth.

There are times when I question what comes next. These are the days that you really start making decisions that stick and sometimes I feel like the fat kid picked last for the soccer team. So many people have their niche picked out. I suppose, to a degree, I’m building mine, but so far everything seems so very fleeting. I honestly believe that any second the rug will be pulled out form under me. I am now craving stability in life. Like a lot of young people, I use to run full speed away from concepts like stability and long term planning. Now I’m thinking about things like my health and home ownership. Granted the idea of eating more salads and having a mortgage scare the crap out of me. Some mornings I want to load the car and head out west. Truth be told, approaching 30, I know that journey would last about a year and I would be back here looking for a cul-de-sac to call home and all the things I have now will be lost.

This period is so much about taking stock and planning the next steps. I know I’m playing tournament level adulthood now. The mistakes and missteps of my 20s are starting to become ancient history and my sense of immortality has been dried up and carried off in a warm summer wind. As much as I hate to say it, I’ll never be Jack Kerouac nor will I likely become a medical doctor or the hot new young writer. My chances at wearing those hats are almost gone. Its time now to go look at what’s left on the rack and pick something that might not fit perfectly, but will provide the stability to last through years of rough weather.

I’ve been surfing myspace lately and I have noticed that the vast majority of people on there are incredibly boring. I don’t claim to be the most exciting ride in the park myself, but geebus some people try too hard. I’ll never be accused of that. Here are just a few things that people think are original.


Using “I aint no hollaback girl” as their headline or ID or worse yet, some quote form Napoleon Dynamite.

Taking a camera phone picture of yourself in the mirror.

Stating their photo is awful or not good. If it is bad, why did you put it up?

Snooty women that make a pre-emptive strike on getting emails from strangers. I’ve gotten some screwed up emails during my tenure on the site. Just delete them already. The world is full of weirdos, creeps and jerks. Tip: photos showing your “girls” as well as underwear and crotch shots tend to attract more weirdos than investment bankers.

The best part about myspace is that it really sucks you in. Despite how ridiculous so many profiles are and how full of themselves many of the people are, it really is people watching for the 21st century. Other people are fascinating, even if only to mock their bad taste or mediocrity.

That site is bananas…..b-a-n-a-n-a-s

Moral of the story... don't make a sex tape.

Ticket sales down.Hmmmm, how about making movies that don't suck?

Do you buy iams pet food?

It looks like David Gray has a new album out next month


There are not too many singer/song writers in this generation with the amount of talent he has. His last album disappointed many, including me. However, I think he is the industry for the long haul and despite one fluke hit, he’ll probably never know huge success again.

Speaking of new music, the White Stripes have done it again. These two keep reinventing themselves. Enjoy Jack White’s last album as a single man, because if history has taught us anything, once artist get married and have kids, they start to suck (hello Mr. Matthews)

I would predict a hearty solo career for Meg white, but let’s be honest; Meg isn’t going to be making an instructional drumming video series anytime soon.

But you won't get to see the tears I cry
behind these hazel eyes

Ha! I managed to get a Kelly Clarkson quote on here. So the 13 year old girl living inside me had a minute to get her groove on. Alas, I digress.

So get ready to point at me and call me a p*ssy. Go ahead, because alpha male I am not. Yesterday, my girlfriend decided for some reason it would be a good idea to go to the Humane Society. I tried to warn her it was a BAD idea. First off, neither of us have the resources to get a pet right now and for a second more important reason, I hate going there. It is truly one of the most depressing things in the world. Everybody hates a tourist and going there just to ogle the animals ranks right behind unmediated dental work on my list of favorite past times.


So we go in and the faucet kicked in almost right away. The first thing I noticed was a LOT of kittens. They were all cute and cuddly, BUT there is absolutely no way every one of them would find a home. What broke my heart even more were the older cats that were there. One in particular was obviously over 10 years old. If all those kittens were not going to get adopted in time, there’s no way this cat was finding a home. The tears were really going now.

Then we made our way to the dogs. For the most part, the dogs were the large, scary mutt variety that rednecks tend to own. Chances are these poor dogs were wondering around without a collar since their inbred owners saw no need to keep them close to home or at the very least give them some identifying tags. So they were nabbed and here they are at the shelter. As I walked down the hall looking at each of there faces, I wondered how many of them would remain here until their inevitable ending. I made a point to read the name tags on each of their cages. For some reason, I wanted to know their names. It was important to me that each of them had names and were not just some random dog. Then I got to the end and saw Buddy. Buddy looked something like the scruffy dog from “Married with Children” although far more colorful. His face bore the look of someone who once spent all day in the yard playing with his friends. I wondered what Buddy’s sin was that landed him on death row. My guess is the kids he use to play with outgrew him, because, without speaking a word, Buddy asked me if I had a ball.

At that point I had to go. I left so disgusted with the people who abandoned these animals. I wondered if they ever cared for them or if these pets were simply just another inconvenience to them and they rationalized that surely “somebody” would adopt them. I vowed never to visit the Human Society again unless I was brining someone home with me. It seemed so cruel to look at all these creatures and know that their chance of survival hinged on the right person coming at the right time. For the old cats and the big mutts, that chance seemed to exist more in the category of “miracle.” I also knew that, despite my desire to have one, not getting a pet the last few years was the smartest thing I have done. If you can not provide a loving home life and handle the responsibility of pet ownership, then do you and your potential best friend a favor and let someone else raise them.

I was feeling sorry for myself until I read this.That puts it in perspective.

December 25th is actually a pagan sun festival and was not the birth date of Jesus. Many accounts have him born in March.Aside from the obvious fish symbolism, I'd say everything about his life embodied the Pisces way. Interesting how the old earth faiths intersect with Christianity. Equally as fascinating is how throughout history the church has tried to remove itself from its historical roots.
Early Christian tombs faced east towards the rising son.

Let me save you 7-10 bucks and just tell you this movie is an awful steaming turd and a waste of your money.


True, I haven’t seen it, BUT since Miss Cleo has gone into a pronounced hiding, I have been given her powers for safe keeping. I projected into the future months ago when I saw the first add for this and foresaw it sucked a large one.

First off, I love Burt Reynolds and his 'stach, but he is not Boss Hog. Boss Hog was fat and sweaty. The least he could do is put on some weight for the part. Same goes for Willie Nelson. He could have used the munchies to fuel an eating spree and bulk up, because Uncle Jessie is not a toothpick.

Jessica Simpson might be the one shinning star because she is smart enough to know people love dumb blonds and she plays the part well. I can just see the look on her husband’s face when I watch their reality show. He is just begging Jessica to break out her well worn Sartre volumes and stop acting like she is confused about the difference between tuna and chicken.

Now granted, Stiffler and El jackass Extraordinaire might spend their hour and half of screen time stapling stuff to their respective testicles, but I highly doubt it. Truth be told, that would redeem this steaming pile. The old show was just good clean fun. As a shorty coming up, it was the one thing “Southern” that didn’t embarrass the crap out of me.

Luckily the “Wonder Woman” franchise remains untapped. Let me hang on to my first memories of Linda Carter and female empowerment. I was too young to realize she was dressed like a hooker, but heck, it was the 70s.

If your money is really burning a hole in your pocket, then buy me a ticket to see the sequel to “Douche Bigalow”

Hey, I have UK representation now. That warms my heart honestly. I am a Hodge podge of regional DNA, but I look overwhelmingly Welsh, or so I’m told. I must have acquired the crap genes. I didn’t get the Scottish height or the Irish tolerance for alcohol. I can hold my own in a fight though. I also know mixing all these nationalities together pisses some people off. I nearly went to blows a few weeks back when I told an Irish man that I could translate for him since my step-father is British. The Irish eyes were definitely not smiling that day. He kept saying “dear” and all the Yankees stared at him and wondered if he was dictating a letter. Speaking of Yankees, folks in Boston are none too fond of being called Yankees. Baseball nuts. You’re Yankees to those of us who live in the south and the good people of Europe. Deal!

I don’t know what the point of this blog was. Just checking in I guess. Speaking of Europe, I’ve been seeing the ad for “Monster Ballads” on TV lately and the run that old song by the band Europe in the ad. It’s the only song I know titled “Carrie” and it makes me happy to hear it. I don’t know if I could hang with the hair bands lately since I’ve been listening to a LOT of Cat Stevens. I know, feel free to poke fun. Even though there is a 42.8% chance my good mother might actually read this, I will share my suspicion that I was conceived to a Cat Stevens album. The timing is just right.


I’m being followed by a moon shadow!

Wait, its Homeland Security.

I'm not a cat person, but this guy wrote a book about bad cats that is one of the funnier things I've seen lately. He has a pretty good sense of humor for a Microsoft programer.

Tuesday in the life of an INFP.

So another week begins. Tuesday is my Monday and it is turning out as planned. Lots of unwanted attention all day from work needs. The worst part was the breakdown on the way in. So many days take everything you have to get to work; at least they do for me. One day I’m going to run out of excuses for not turning the car around and going home. What then should I do with my life? I thought again about becoming a mental health counselor. I would be able to help people in that field. The bad side is it requires more school and any student loan debt would be a bad idea since most entry level jobs in that field bring in a whopping 30 K. It is a livable wage, but not if you have $100,000 in student loan debt.

So I have to find some direction with the things I’ve got. The only problem is the jobs in this area are nil. There isn’t anything. The options here include
1) working at a bank
2) a call center
3) something involving food
4) something involving tourist
5) medical work (and another decade of school)
6) Oh yeah and teaching, but apparently I’m not wanted there.

Maybe the fact another school year begins and I didn’t get a shot at teaching has me realizing these doors are not opening for a reason.