I was just writing a friend of mine an email and shared one of my life truths that I have never vocalized. The value of your life is best seen by how many people show up for your funeral. The truest shame is that we don’t get to attend our funerals. If you could see how many people you have touched in one lifetime, then maybe you’d have a better outlook on what this all means and how much the journey is worth.

There are times when I question what comes next. These are the days that you really start making decisions that stick and sometimes I feel like the fat kid picked last for the soccer team. So many people have their niche picked out. I suppose, to a degree, I’m building mine, but so far everything seems so very fleeting. I honestly believe that any second the rug will be pulled out form under me. I am now craving stability in life. Like a lot of young people, I use to run full speed away from concepts like stability and long term planning. Now I’m thinking about things like my health and home ownership. Granted the idea of eating more salads and having a mortgage scare the crap out of me. Some mornings I want to load the car and head out west. Truth be told, approaching 30, I know that journey would last about a year and I would be back here looking for a cul-de-sac to call home and all the things I have now will be lost.

This period is so much about taking stock and planning the next steps. I know I’m playing tournament level adulthood now. The mistakes and missteps of my 20s are starting to become ancient history and my sense of immortality has been dried up and carried off in a warm summer wind. As much as I hate to say it, I’ll never be Jack Kerouac nor will I likely become a medical doctor or the hot new young writer. My chances at wearing those hats are almost gone. Its time now to go look at what’s left on the rack and pick something that might not fit perfectly, but will provide the stability to last through years of rough weather.