Today as I was driving in and jamming to both the Keiser Chiefs and T.I., it occurred to me I have about the weirdest taste in music. Some days I’m straight up southern fried crunk and other days I’m a Glasgow hipster. Just about the time I was overanalyzing this, I came to a four way stop and saw what had to be the lamest custom plate ever on a car. It was what at first looked like the Orlando Magic’s emblem. Upon further examination, I realized it actually said “Jesus.”

I really think the son of God has the worst P.R. firm ever. At least it could have been a winning team. It seems like God gets the short end of the stick when it comes to public figures. Pat Robertson has spent the last week PRAYING for the deaths of people he doesn’t agree with, including Supreme Court justices. The Christian music you hear on the radio is absolute crap and 9 times out of 10, it is a good 5-10 years behind the times. I’m sure most Christian pop stations are now cranking out something that sounds like C&C Music Factory

“Sweat, let the spirit take control,
Let the savior move you.”

So God, if you are listening, I have an idea. I think you’re doing a great job with a lot of things, but as far as your public persona, there’s room for improvement. Next time Amy Grant calls, let it go to voicemail. Maybe get someone like Isaac Brock on your team. He has been crying out for some spiritual sustenance for the past 10 years. It would probably take 2 minutes of your time to pop up at the foot of this guy’s bed one morning. Next thing you know, good music will actually be made in your name. As for Pat Robertson, let’s take a minute and say a short prayer that you will do the right thing and smite this idiot. Trust me, he’s bringing you down.