I think the biggest challenge you will ever face in life is sorting your own head out. Sometimes you meet happy and well adjusted people. I’m not one to judge others, so I will give them the benefit of the doubt and say they are genuine or at the very least good at faking it and/or sorting their own issues out. I for one am lousy at this dark art. I tend to suppress problems until they become issues. A little problem that could be cut down with a butter knife usually grows roots and becomes a giant oak. Then you’re lucky if you can chop the thing down and even luckier if it doesn’t crush you when it falls.


I don’t mean to be cryptic, but I speak in generalities for many a good reason. I haven’t been revealing much on the blog nor have I confided much in other people, because I’m trying to sort my life out. I suppose my own inclination to shoot myself in the foot (figuratively of course) will ultimately result in some confession blog like the days of old. I’m just no longer doing the passive aggressive thing and expressing things on the blog hoping the people I should actually talk to stumble upon it.

I really wish this thing talked back. It knows everything and nothing about me and my inner workings.

OK, one more thing on the new pope. According to the prophecy of Malachy, this pope is the second to the last and he will be known as the "peace pope" symbolized by the olive branch. The new pope has already declared he will make a stand for peace in these war torn times. Of course, this pope was also fortold as being Benedictine. I doubt I need to point out to everyone the significance of that, since he is named Benedict. The plot thickens.

A heart that's full up like a landfill
a job that slowly kills you
Bruises that won't heal
~Radiohead “No Surprises’


Happy 4-20. It is not only Hitler’s birthday, but the 6th anniversary of Columbine. I called in sick from work that day. I think it was a mental health day. I spent the day watching carnage on the television. The peculiar thing is that was the first year of my life out of college. Not too long after that, some guy walked into an office building a few miles away from where I worked in Atlanta and started shooting.

That day set the theme for adulthood. While I’m about as violent as a Nickelodeon cartoon, I could relate to the kids in Columbine. Horrible, I know. I wore a trench coat in high school and I didn’t always fit in. Somehow I was having an identity crisis at the same time all this happened. I guess the same identity crisis will always be part of me. I think I’m destined to never fit in anywhere. To some degree, I guess we all are.


Truth be told, we all just want to be understood, loved for who we are and respected for what we believe. These are not huge requirements, but how many of us live without that? I’d venture to say damn near everyone. I guess if you’re lucky enough to have a friend or two who understands you, or at least loves and accepts you for who you are then you are truly blessed indeed. I’m happy to say I have people like that in my life. So when you have a day were you reach rock bottom, at least you can round up a sympathetic ear or two. If you are one of the lucky ones, then take a second to thank those people who mean something to you. The human spirit was not meant to exist on its own.

Sweet! They elected this guy. I'm glad the dire predictions were off. of course, with a German in charge, you can expect the church to change its stance on poop porn. Do I smell the beautification of David Hasselhoff?

White smoke at the Vatican!
So here is what I wrote back in February. No word yet on who they elected...
2-24-05


First off, the pope is a good man and I have absolutely no ill will towards him. My last entry came off like I pissed off lapsed Catholic to some degree and yes, to some degree I am. Just trust me when I tell you that situation was a long time coming. I once heavily considered holy orders myself. Aside from that, my own Grandfather is a minister who has spent the better part of his life deep in end time prophecy. So I’m educated on the subject of what is expected to happen next.

One great resource on the subject is Malachy. He was an archbishop in the Catholic Church and one who wrote extensively on the succession of the Popes. Starting towards the end of the 12th century right up to present day Archbishop Malachy was able to accurately name the Popes by either their coat of arms or some other key feature. This wouldn’t be very impressive if it wasn’t for the fact he died years before the first of his papal list came to power.

Malachy foresaw two popes following the current one. Nostradamus has many translations on his prophecy regarding the last Pope, but one of the most frightening is this one.
“He that will have the responsibility to break down temples and sects altered through fantasy, will come to harm more the rocks than the living, through ornate language ears will continually be filled.”

So who, you might ask, would be able to break down the boundaries between God’s two chosen people? Even more frightening is the fact that he goes on to name exactly where this Pope would hail from.
Not from Spain
but from Ancient France
one will be elected for the trembling ship,
to the enemy will make a promise, who in his reign will cause a terrible plague.
As with anything, I am making a somewhat educated shot in the dark here, BUT if Jean-Marie Lustiger is the next Pope we are in a lot of trouble.

He certainly looks innocent enough


It makes a certain amount of sense that if someone was going to bring the church down and establish a one world religion, this man has the background. He looks incredibly innocent. He was born Jewish and his mom was killed in a concentration camp. I want to like this guy. I would guess people would immediately embrace him, including those who are not religious and those who are Jewish (see where the borders break down yet?).

He was born in France, of Polish heritage. He has ties to both sides of Europe. He was educated at the world renowned Sorbonne. His strong support for the State of Israel, which is at odds with the Vatican's officially neutral but in practice anti-Israeli position, has also won him some support from Jews. He just stepped down from his archbishop post Febryuary 11th.

I’m not saying he is a bad man. I do not know him. He does, however, fit perfectly the descriptions of the two prophets who are always open to intpretation (Malachy and Nostradamus). Yet the generally translated teachings of both show a strong consistancy in what they predict. So he seems to fit the bill.

I sometimes have the strangest song obsessions and this one is no exception.

THE PROMISE by When in Rome
---------------------------
If you need a friend, don't look to a stranger,
You know in the end, I'll always be there.
And when you're in doubt, and when you're in danger,
Take a look all around, and I'll be there.
I'm sorry, but I'm just thinking of the right words to say.
I know they don't sound the way I planned them to be.
But if you wait around awhile, I'll make you fall for me,
I promise, I promise you I will.
When your day is through, and so is your temper,
You know what to do, I'm gonna always be there.
Sometimes if I shout, it's not what's intended.
These words just come out, with no gripe to bear.
I'm sorry, but I'm just thinking of the right words to say.
I know they don't sound the way I planned them to be.
But if you wait around awhile, I'll make you fall for me,
I promise, I promise you...
I'm sorry, but I'm just thinking of the right words to say.
I know they don't sound the way I planned them to be.
And if I had to walk the world, I'd make you fall for me,
I promise you, I promise you I will.
Gotta tell ya, need to tell ya, gotta tell ya, I've gotta tell ya...
I'm sorry, but I'm just thinking of the right words to say.
I know they don't sound the way I planned them to be.
But if you wait around awhile, I'll make you fall for me,
I promise, I promise you...
I'm sorry, but I'm just thinking of the right words to say.
I know they don't sound the way I planned them to be.
And if I had to walk the world, I'd make you fall for me,
I promise you, I promise you I will. I will. I will.

I’m convinced I could make this work with a couple of guitar chords. Of course, it would sound a lot cooler if I could learn it on the accordion and then have a little back up from Gordon Shumway. Ya hear son? I’m guessing that will never happen, but I think this song rules and what better cover for a band named after an 80s TV icon to cover. I want a keytar. Anyone know where I can get one? Because this would sound sweet on one.

I gotta admit I’m getting excited about the last Star Wars film. Sure, the two prequels have been ho hum. I mean they had a lot to live up to. I just saw the full preview in the theatre last weekend and I have to say, it got me pumped. Either they edited the best 60 seconds of this last film together for the preview, or Lucas has gone all out and made the last movie a great one.

So I keep catching myself at Target lingering too long in the toy aisle. I guess I’m still just a kid. That was always my favorite part of the Star wars movies growing up. They would release the action figures months before the film. Then it was a game figuring out who all the new characters would be and if they were good or bad. The worst part of Star Wars seems to be that they manage to kill off the best characters. Look at Bobba Fett. He was in the original movies for about 5 minutes. Darth Maul was also great and of course, they killed him off.


Alright, I feel like a dork. May 19th…Wookie Hooky! Expect your IT department to be absent and your Latin teacher to have a substitute.

“The boy with the thorn in his side
behind the hatred there lies
a plundering desire for love”


I was at a stop light on my way to work today and some young kid pulled up next to me blasting hip hop. I was singing the Smiths at full blast. We made eye contact and he just shook his head in disbelief. It was a funny moment and it reminded me of a similar moment a while ago at the same light. I saw a “The Queen Is Dead” tee shirt at “Hot Topic” the other day and chuckled. I wonder how many kids are actually listening to the Smiths.


I suppose it took me a while to become a fan. I use to listen to harder music when I was younger. So during my teen years when I should have been ripe to receive Morrissey’s message, I was busy with NIN and Ministry. It took me to get to my mid-20s to like the Smiths. I honestly hated their style and his voice. Then I began to understand so much of what Morrissey sings about. Life is confusing and isolating and sometimes downright unfair and what you think you want and what you get is never one in the same. The Smiths sang about this. So too have countless other artists. I just find it funny that some punk can roll up blasting music from somebody who will be on the “Surreal Life” in 3 years and he can give me a disapproving look. I guess I’m getting old.

Well, next week marks the one year anniversary of my Grandma’s passing. I can not believe it has been that long and I’m honestly getting more than a little sad about the whole thing. For many years, my grandma lived in the same neighborhood as me. We went through a lot of family struggles together and were a lot closer than most Grandmothers probably are with their Grandsons. Sometimes, I think I was the only person who understood her. Maybe she just had a gift for making people feel that way. We were definitely two introverts who spent many hours just sort of quietly sitting together. I think she was often happier just sitting with me and exchanging 5 words in an afternoon than she would have been in a houseful of activity. Something tells me this trait didn’t come with old age.

So part of me wants to hop in the car next weekend and drive down to Clearwater and just sit at her gravesite for a few hours and try and recapture those times we spent together. It seems like in the last year nothing and everything has happened while she has been gone. There haven’t been any additions to the family and the world at large tends to move along just like it did before. So maybe she hasn’t missed much, but she sure has been missed. I love you grandma, but you already knew that.

Here is a weird thought. I gave up soda for lent. I use to drink a ton of the stuff and I was strictly a Coke fan. Now, I hate the taste of Coke and like Pepsi better. It might stem from my subconscious distaste for all things Southern (black eyed peas and sweet tea excluded, oh yeah and “Dukes of Hazard”). I’m now a Pepsi fan. So that got me thinking. If we stepped away from our preconceived notions on things and started back from scratch, what other surprises are there? Not the most enlightening thesis in the world, but I do think it is worth exploring. Maybe give up music for a while and then come back from scratch and find out you like jazz better than rock. At some point you have to drop your preconceived notions in life, because what you think you want is often a world away from what you really want or what you really need.

Lia, no one seems to mention Skee-lo is dead.Is it true?

Remember Skee-lo? I'm going to put this to two chords and make it my own.

Hey, this is radio station W-S-K-E-E
We're takin' calls off the wish line
Making all your wacky wishes come true

Hello

I wish I was little bit taller,
I wish I was a baller
I wish I had a girl who looked good
I would call her
I wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat
and a '64 Impala

I wish I was like six-foot-nine
So I could get with Leoshi
Cause she don't know me but yo she's really fine
You know I see her all the time
Everywhere I go, and even in my dreams
I can scheme of ways to make her mine
Cause I know she's livin phat
Her boyfriend's tall and he plays ball
So how am I gonna compete with that
'Cause when it comes to playing basketball
I'm always last to be picked
And in some cases never picked at all
So I just lean upon the wall
Or sit up in the bleachers with the rest of the girls
Who came to watch their men ball
Dag y'all! I never understood
Why the jocks get the fly girls
And me I get the hood rats
I tell 'em scat, skittle, skibobble
Got hit with a bottle
And put in the hospital, for talkin' that mess
I confess it's a shame when you livin' in a city
That's the size of a box and nobody knows yo' name
Glad I came to my senses
Like quick-quick got sick-sick to my stomach
Overcome with my thoughts of me and her together
Right?
So when I asked her out she said I wasn't her type
(rpt 1, 1)


I wish I had a brand-new car
So far, I got this hatchback
And everywhere I go, yo I gets laughed at
And when I'm in my car I'm laid back
I got an 8-track and a spare tire in the backseat
But that's flat
And do you really wanna know what's really wack, What
See I can't even get a date
So, what do you think of that?
I heard that prom night is the bomb night
With a hood rat you can hold tight
But really tho' on figuero
When I'm in my car I can't even get a hello
Well so many people wanna cruise Crenshaw on Sunday
Well then I'm gonna have to get in my car and go
You know I take the 110 to the 105
Get off on Crenshaw tell my homies look alive
Cause it's hard to survive
Livin' in a concrete jungle and
These girls just keep passin' me by
She looks fly, she looks fly
Makes me say my, my, my
(rpt 1, 1)

I wish I was a little bit taller...
I wish I was a baller...
I wish I was a little bit taller y'all
I wish I was a baller (3)

Hey, I wish I had my way
'Cause everyday would be a Friday
You could even speed on the highway
I would play ghetto games
Name my kids ghetto names
Little Mookie, big Al, Lorraine
Yo you know that's on the real
So if you're down on your luck
Then you should know just how I feel
Cause if you don't want me around
See I go simple, I go easy, I go greyhound
Hey, you, what's that sound?
Everybody look what's going down
Ahhhh, yes, ain't that fresh?
Everybody wants to get down like that
(rpt 1, 1)

I wish, I wish, I wish...