I gotta say that despite global warming and hurricane season, this summer looks pretty damn awesome.


First off Morrissey is coming to town. Now if I have to go all by myself to this concert I will. I guess I don’t have enough sad bastard friends. So it goes. This man is the Pope of Mope and I’ve wanted to see him since middle school. I just hope I don’t get kicked out for having a tan.

Then there are the 75 awesome movies coming out. Yes, my life has reached that sad and pathetic plateau where the only things I have to look forward to are movies and TV shows. Speaking of TV there is also a whole new season of “Entourage” starting next weekend. So yes, I’ll admit that this genuine excitement is slightly pathetic, but you have to realize this is a desperate 30 something’s attempt to reclaim his youth. If you told 14 year old me that Spider Man, the Fantastic Four, the Simpsons and the Transformers were all putting out a movie in one summer, he’d probably camp out to buy tickets.

At least my nerdiness is consistent.

I was pretty shocked to come across Nixon’s “plan.” It is almost verbatim the story we are getting today.

I think everyone should take a couple of minutes and learn how history repeats itself.



The similarities are scary!

I’ve joked before about a song here and there becoming my “Helter Skelter.” It was always tongue in cheek. Since I heard the new Modest Mouse disc, I have had this song called “Florida”

stuck in my head. Not in a good way, but in a repetitive way. I wake up in the middle of the night and it is looping in my brain. I wish I was kidding.


So what the hell resonates with me in this song? Other than my obvious love/hate relationship with the state. I guess maybe the message that moving away from a place doesn’t always mean you can escape yourself.

I love Modest Mouse, but this is officially ridiculous. Hopefully it isn’t a sign that I’m losing it. Although that in and of itself wouldn’t be much of a surprise.

I want to wearironic tee shirts and cool jeans everyday. I want to chain smoke and complain about “the man.” I want to reference bands and indie films you’ve never heard of and fill my days with get rich quick schemes and writing sci-fi novels about Martian hookers. I never again want to feel the soul crushing reality of waking up on a Wednesday and knowing I’m smack in the middle of a work week. I want to drink non diet soda and never see a gym again.

Greatins land lubbas and yarrrrrrrr.

I write you hunched in the corner of a hallway where I can find leaking wi-fi. I am in the only official Republic on US soil and the only Caribbean Island in the US. For those of you in the far corners, I'll just tell you I'm in Key West.

It's beautiful, about 80 in the day and low humidity. Ok, low by my Florida standards. Aside from every frat house in the Midwest and northeast being empty right now and said frat boys prowling the streets in their ever-vigilant task of finding their next date rape victim, the island is awesome.

Like all good things, tomorrow it comes to an end. So what did I learn on this trip? The Miami area is still the same turd farm it was when I left it in 1994. Hemmingway loved cats and his feline's ancestors get treated like royalty. Last but not least, when I win the lotto I'm moving here, growing a beard, taking up cigar smoking, becoming an alcoholic and writing the next great American novel.

Not necessarily in that order.

Ahoy,
Scurvy Britches

P.S. What is a pirate's favorite car?

The Yarrrrris of course.

Why is it that the most sensitive people are the one’s that take their own lives?

I remember Richard Jeni’s stand up routine. It was full of clever observations and self-deprecating humor. He just seemed like a decent guy who was overly aware of how trying life can be.

Ditto Kurt Cobain
Ditto Elliot smith
Ditto John Kennedy Toole

I could go on forever. Von Gogh, Plath, Hemmingway.

I get a little lump in my throat every time I hear someone committed suicide. What a terrible place to be to genuinely feel like your best option in life is to opt out. I suspect no matter how depressed I ever got, I could never do that to everyone I care about.

It just seems extra puzzling that people who seem to have anything you could desire would still not want to continue living.

So yesterday I was freaking out about getting older and today it seems comically dumb. When I’m 76, this will look pretty young. So instead of dwelling on what’s behind, I’m vowing to deal with what is now and occasionally give a little look at what is ahead. So many of life’s milestones are ahead and the ones that have passed are sort of funny in retrospect. What gives me a chuckle is how ready I was to grow up.

I remember looking forward to having facial hair and now I grumble because I have to shave every day. I wanted to drive so badly and now I spend hundreds of dollars each month keeping a car on the road. I guess most people spend the first part of life chasing adulthood and the latter part running from it.

“Little worse for wear but I'm wearing it well”- Beck

So I’m trying to deal with another birthday without sounding melodramatic or narcissistic, but it really does feel like someone hit the fast-forward button a while back. I’m looking for some way to put it into words, but this is truly the first birthday I’ve genuinely been in a funk about. I’ve always made tongue in cheek comments about getting older. Hell, I probably thought I was old at 22. The problem is now I am playing for keeps. The 30s seem so very serious and it does genuinely feel like the littlest mundane decisions have life repercussions.

I thought I would be able to afford to buy a house or have a solid career track at this point in my life. I probably even envisioned a couple of kids by now. I’m tired of talking about it and everyone around me is tired of hearing it. So today I say goodbye to the big 3-0.

One of the more amazing things I've found in life is when you fall in love with a song that you somehow overlooked years before. It is like a care package from the past. While I never gave Pablo Honey much of a chance, I spent many years as a Radiohead fan and somewhere along the line I never really listened to this song. It was literally half a lifetime ago for me, but I just recently came across this song. In some haunting way Thom Yorke is yelling a message at me from the past. I'm yelling back at him to get a haircut.

File this under weird and random.

I guess destroy is still a hit with the ladies.

Another week begins and I’m resolved to stop overanalyzing like so much. I think happiness can sometimes be found in just enjoying the ride. At least that’s what I hear.

I can understand that Fox is threatened because Colbert and Stewart are not only getting viewers, but some pretty top notch guests these days. It was only a matter of time before Fox came up with its own copy cat show. "The 1/2 Hours News Hour" is just that. A weak and horribly unfunny imitation. The only reason I even heard about it is because they have started an ad blitz on myspace. Interestingly enough that website is part of Stuart Murdoch’s empire. So if curiosity gets the best of you, check the show out. I do have to salute Fox for not even bothering to create a website for the show. I'm sure they realize it stands no chance.