Wednesday, April 20, 2005

A heart that's full up like a landfill
a job that slowly kills you
Bruises that won't heal
~Radiohead “No Surprises’


Happy 4-20. It is not only Hitler’s birthday, but the 6th anniversary of Columbine. I called in sick from work that day. I think it was a mental health day. I spent the day watching carnage on the television. The peculiar thing is that was the first year of my life out of college. Not too long after that, some guy walked into an office building a few miles away from where I worked in Atlanta and started shooting.

That day set the theme for adulthood. While I’m about as violent as a Nickelodeon cartoon, I could relate to the kids in Columbine. Horrible, I know. I wore a trench coat in high school and I didn’t always fit in. Somehow I was having an identity crisis at the same time all this happened. I guess the same identity crisis will always be part of me. I think I’m destined to never fit in anywhere. To some degree, I guess we all are.


Truth be told, we all just want to be understood, loved for who we are and respected for what we believe. These are not huge requirements, but how many of us live without that? I’d venture to say damn near everyone. I guess if you’re lucky enough to have a friend or two who understands you, or at least loves and accepts you for who you are then you are truly blessed indeed. I’m happy to say I have people like that in my life. So when you have a day were you reach rock bottom, at least you can round up a sympathetic ear or two. If you are one of the lucky ones, then take a second to thank those people who mean something to you. The human spirit was not meant to exist on its own.

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