Reality can be harsh. It takes times like this to make you realize how alone you really are. If you make it to your late 20s and you’re single and your family is scattered across the world, you really feel it sometimes. I have worn a lot of different hats in my life. I once had a family (or I guess almost). I was engaged to a girl with a daughter and we were weeks away from getting married. What happened is neither here nor there and certainly not for public posting, but I did get a taste of what being a Dad is like. I think I was pretty good at it.

While the timing was wrong I did get an idea of what its like to have a family of my own. So here I sit before my birthday feeling more alone and depressed than I think I ever have. I guess my Grandma being sick really has me worried. I think I’m also wrestling some selfish issues. I haven’t been able to get an email reply from anyone lately. I know we’re all too busy with our lives and things, but right now I could really use someone to talk too. Right now I could use a empathetic ear and I can not find one. My fear is I might one day be in a real bind and find myself diagnosed with leukemia or some other horrible event and I’ll be unable to find anyone who cares. I think I've pushed so many people away, that I’m finally realizing the error of my ways. “And a rock feels no pain and an island never cries.”