Thursday, February 19, 2004

Listen up kids. I'm going to say something that I don't think you're going to hear from too many ex-smokers. I miss smoking! In a different world were cigarettes were not almost $4 a pack I would take the habit up again. Truthfully, the main reason I haven't lit up (and Lord knows I've thought about it) is that America suddenly became the most anti-smoking country in the world. Ireland and the UK are close behind. They're working on nation-wide bans of smoking in public places. My beloved homeland of Florida outlawed smoking last year.

I don't know about you, but I miss the good old days. I love coming home from a night on the town and not reeking of second hand smoke. If you're hanging out at bars, then second hand smoke is the least of your problems. It seems like everywhere I go smoking has become public offense number 1. Even controversial people like Eminem would probably considering getting caught smoking a career-ending event. I don't doubt he'll be doing some anti-smoking campaign soon. Kids shouldn't smoke, but it is perfectly fine for youngsters to pop Mom's Vicoden like they're, pardon the pun, M&Ms.

Am I alone thinking the whole thing is out of control? Ten years ago I would have never stood a chance at staying off the evil weed. Back then cigarettes were about half the price they are now and cool people like Winona Ryder and Ethan Hawk were great role models. I hardly think kids today should aspire to be more like Miss Britney Spears, but God bless her for keeping it real. Drinking and whoring just wouldn't seem fitting without seeing her around town puffing away. You go girl!

What kind of a world do we live in were smoking is being banned in prisons? What will inmates trade with? It has truly gotten out of hand. When was this massive acknowledgement that cigarettes cause cancer (which I'm sure they do) or that they are bad for you (which they are)? If this new anti-smoking kick keeps up, then cancer should be all but eradicated in 20 years. My guess is it will not. I think there may even be a correlation between smoking going out of style and obesity being all the rage. Ask a Frenchman. They all smoke, but the fat ones are few and far between.

As much as I lean towards a world were we are all treated to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, I think there is one minority it is still perfectly OK to abuse and that is the smoker. Yes, they probably should be doing it outdoors. Yes, we have to take measures to keep children from buying cigarettes. On the other hand, imagine the collapse our economy will experience when we don't have the poor smoker to tax anymore.

While second hand smoke may be harmful to others, I can not think of a single incident where a smoker was out puffing all night and in their altered nicotine induced stupor smashed their car into some innocent pedestrian. Ditto for smoking causing addicts to abuse their wives and children. OK, I guess if you're trying to quit, that sometimes incites violence. If you think I'm crazy saying drinking is more harmful to others than smoking, rest easy. It is next on the list of vices to go. To those who have to walk a mile from work to have a smoke break, you know Camel's old motto. To those about to puff, I salute you.

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