It “Take Your Child to Work Day” AKA show your offspring how soul crushing adulthood is day. Luckily no one at my job has a shorty in tow. I love kids, but why bring them to work? They are not interested in what you do and they damn sure aren’t going to contribute any thing to the work place. I think it would be better to send them to Tai Pei to work a day in a Nike factory. Then it would be “Teach Your Kid to Appreciate How Good They Have It Day.” A much, much more productive holiday.


When I was in 7th grade, I took a class in law. It was a pretty cool elective class. I doubt these days any public school would offer the same course, because the end of the year trip we took for the class was to the county jail. I don’t know if the guys were making a show to scare us kids, but I saw enough to know jail was somewhere I didn’t want to go. Some of the things I saw there were enough to keep me out of serious trouble. So maybe it should be “Take Your Kid to County Day.” Seeing what it would be like to be somebody’s bitch should be enough to keep most kids from anything too serious. Spending the day playing PSP in your cubicle will teach them nothing.