I woke up this morning and the air was fresh and clear.

Our docks were jammed with ships full over soldiers coming home from Iraq.

“The O.C” got cancelled.

Faux-hawks were outlawed.

Every band on the Warp Tour was involved in a plane crash between gigs.

They didn’t die, they just lost their voices.

I lost 30 lbs. without even trying.

I grew 6 inches.

They cured cancer.

Smoking became the national pastime.

All the sweatshops closed down.

They found a synthetic fuel; that works in our existing cars and the exhaust patches the ozone layer.

Plaid became the latest rage.

Ties were outlawed.

The work week was reduced to 2 days.

We manipulated the weather and humidity can never exceed 70%.

Bill O’Reilly joined a monastery and took a vow of silence.

Paris Hilton choked on her daily lunch of 1 Tic-Tac and died.

The CDC announced they are days away from curing everything including the common cold.

Oh yeah and the Republican dictatorship came to an end.