Tuesday, April 11, 2006

White people are weird. Sometimes you have to wonder what other nationalities think of us. First off, when ever some kid walks into their school and starts randomly shooting people, it is always some suburban white dude. If you get shot in the so called “bad” part of town, it is probably for a reason. Pubescent white guys will shoot you for kicks. So too will vice presidents.

Hunting is another excellent example of weird crap white people do. Aside from the Inuit, most cultures don’t take up hunting these days and chances are if they do, it is for survival or food. Taxidermy, I feel, also falls into this category since white folks are the only people I’ve ever known to stuff a dead thing and put it on display.

Camping is a related topic. Why would anyone who has the means for four walls and a roof chose to sleep outside in an oversized zip lock bag?

Ditto for tanning. Maybe it is white guilt or just a desire to be cool, but you don’t see other nationalities lying around on the beach roasting. When non crackers go to the beach, they’re there for business. They build a castle, go for a swim, maybe eat a packed lunch and then go home. White folks cover themselves in gravy and try to cook.

As with all things there are exceptions. Wayne Brady, Tiger Woods and Bryant Gumbel aside, most black folks are content to be black. White kids in suburbs across the country are devoted to hip hop clothing and music and in every respect try their darndest to be black. One or two have probably made a convincing argument.

Romantic comedies are another thing white folks love. Of course they have been a few here and there for other groups, but the vast majority of romantic comedies are made by white folks, usually British ones and often with Hugh Grant. These films portray love and relationships as picture perfect. I think the 50 percent divorce rate more than proves the fallacy of this argument.

There you have it. I could write all day, but my point is, white folks are nuts. And from what I hear we smell like bologna.

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