Thursday, April 06, 2006

Free cell, Ray Romano and how to stay cool in the Florida sun.


The amazing thing about an office environment is how little people really do. If you pay attention, most folks divide their time between playing Free Cell, talking with their family on the phone and surfing the internet. I’m wondering how many of my coworkers are looking at pictures of the bassist for Fall Out Boy’s junk online. Trust me, they’re out there.

Which proves my theory. No, Germans don’t love David Hasselhoff. Well they do, but my theory is inevitably if you photograph yourself in a way you want no one to see, it WILL end up on the internet. End of story. It also proves guys with small ones don’t take pictures. It is a weird culture that is fascinated with the penis.


That is until middle age. Then you might as well cut it off according to Ray Romano. I saw him on television discussing the fact he doesn’t get any action from his wife. Perhaps, Ray, it is because you go on talk shows and complain about not getting any. Plus, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out sex stops when you are married. Sad but true. Why is it everyone thinks they’ll be the exception to these rules? Just ask your coworkers between sessions of Free Cell.

Florida, on the other hand, is the state least likely to ever win my heart. For better or worse, our abusive relationship carries on. It is like a Lifetime movie and I’m Judith Light. Some day I’ll pack up the Chevy and throw the kids in the back and head to my sister’s trailer to start a new life. Until then, I’m shaving my head every summer. I might be the one guy on the planet who’s looking forward to male pattern baldness.

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

<< Home