I came to a conclusion today. I’m not horribly disfigured or unattractive. I just make no effort to meet women and when I do, I really make no effort to pursue anything. It seems like that one area of my life just doesn’t really inspire me. I’d like to think it is some laid back “if it happens, it happens” attitude on my part, but I’m guessing it isn’t. I’m pretty oblivious in that department and basically every woman I have ever dated has pretty well had to hit me over the head to get my attention.
I think for about a grand total of 2 minutes I contemplated the possibility I might be gay. My brother likes to joke about it, the way older brothers tend to do and I have had a very clean, very cultured and very slim best friend for years, so I could see where the speculation might come from. He is decidedly not gay, nor am I. I’m not at all attracted to men. Sometimes I find Tom Cruise fascinating, but more in the way you look up to an older cooler kid in school who doesn’t take joy in kicking your ass. It’s a healthy admiration.
So the question remains…what the hell is wrong with me? I don’t have any issues achieving what I set out to do. I finished college, I got a job as a DJ, I got published in a magazine, and I’ve acted in plays and learned to play instruments. If I make up my mind to do something, I generally make it happen. Maybe not exactly as I envisioned, but I’m certainly not the classic definition of a looser. Maybe my problem is I see through all the BS.
Relationships are hard work and ultimately, once you get comfortable, they tend to turn into hell on earth. It might take a year, or a decade, but it happens. I think the divorce rate speaks for itself. Most of the great art, wars, inventions, songs and poetry where the result of some guy trying to win some girl’s heart. I guess if I just don’t care, then I’m probably not going to do a whole lot with my life. Luckily, I’m OK with that.
I think for about a grand total of 2 minutes I contemplated the possibility I might be gay. My brother likes to joke about it, the way older brothers tend to do and I have had a very clean, very cultured and very slim best friend for years, so I could see where the speculation might come from. He is decidedly not gay, nor am I. I’m not at all attracted to men. Sometimes I find Tom Cruise fascinating, but more in the way you look up to an older cooler kid in school who doesn’t take joy in kicking your ass. It’s a healthy admiration.
So the question remains…what the hell is wrong with me? I don’t have any issues achieving what I set out to do. I finished college, I got a job as a DJ, I got published in a magazine, and I’ve acted in plays and learned to play instruments. If I make up my mind to do something, I generally make it happen. Maybe not exactly as I envisioned, but I’m certainly not the classic definition of a looser. Maybe my problem is I see through all the BS.
Relationships are hard work and ultimately, once you get comfortable, they tend to turn into hell on earth. It might take a year, or a decade, but it happens. I think the divorce rate speaks for itself. Most of the great art, wars, inventions, songs and poetry where the result of some guy trying to win some girl’s heart. I guess if I just don’t care, then I’m probably not going to do a whole lot with my life. Luckily, I’m OK with that.
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