I wouldn’t even begin to know how to explain this feeling to a 13 year old. So if you happen to be 13 and reading through this blog, let me put it in context for you. Remember those memories of childhood? The one’s I’m talking about are the REALLY early ones like your second birthday or the first time you rode a bike. When you’re younger, they're vivid. You can describe the cake and who was their and maybe if you’re really sharp, you remember what you were wearing and the gifts you got. Eventually though, the memory dwindles. At first you only remember the cake and gifts and who was there. Then you remember the cake and gifts. Then just the cake. Eventually you just remember that you had a birthday party and ultimately you start to embellish the event with new details that you are unsure of. Maybe they were the product of your overactive imagination more than your memory.


Congratulations young one, because that is the rest of your life. I’m not old in the grand scheme of things. 28 is on the precipice of “old” simply because a lot of the dumb crap that use to bring you joy seems kind of childish and like it or not, you’ll eventually surrender the last of the toys you’re hanging on to and the last offensive tee shirt you own. It just happens and its natural. How silly would the average 30 year old look playing with his ninja turtles and wearing a coed naked volleyball tee shirt? Here’s the secret though. You never really feel “old.” Yeah, I hurt the next day if I stay out until 2 and maybe I don’t crank the car stereo as loud as I once did. A skateboard now brings visions of body casts instead of inspiring me to learn a new jump. That’s life and that’s normal. The weird part is as you see it all spiraling away, you want so badly to hang on to it. The first time you don’t get carded for alcohol or the first time you notice more than a few gray hairs it breaks your heart. Instead of looking forward to all you can be, you begin to look back on what you were.

I didn’t believe or understand this just a few short years ago and I suspect that is the way it is suppose to be. I also suspect the older you get the quicker these years start sinking behind you like quicksand. The more imbedded you are, the faster you get pulled in. Eventually your first kiss no longer has the details it once did. There may even come a day when you’d be lucky to remember the person’s name. I’m not crazy enough to think there are not great adventures ahead, but I’m definitely beginning to accept that a lot of the milestones in life are becoming memories. Eventually they’ll get hazy. If you live long enough I suspect you might loose them.