Why do hipsters suck?
Fortunately I live in a cultural hellhole. The swamplands of Florida are about as deck as a third world cholera infested prison. Of course we still get a few pockets of resistance. These my friends are the worst of the hipsters…the hillbilly hipsters. They are two years behind their brothers and sisters in Brooklyn and along Ballard Ave. They drop names like “Death Cab for Cutie” and “Snow Patrol” and hope they’re the first to give such “underground” artists word of mouth in this land of mud flaps and margaritas. The truth is, they’re so horribly behind that the hella deck folks they imitate would get a hearty chuckle out of their attempts. Yes kids, having a “Planet of the Apes” lunch box is cute, but if you’re aligning yourself with this movement you must A) never admit alliance and B) move somewhere where you stand a chance of not being so horribly out of touch. The key to being a good hipster is to remain about 5 minutes ahead of the curve. I know my hipster slang is outdated, but I don’t live in a swanky big city where I could pick up the new lingo.
I gave myself the test just in case. From “The Hipster Handbook” comes these signs you might be a hipster
1. You graduated from a liberal arts school whose football team hasn't won a game since the Reagan administration.
My college didn’t even HAVE a football team.
2. You frequently use the term "post-modern" (or its commonly used variation "PoMo") as an adjective, noun, and verb.
Nope, but I say “Circa” a lot. That shirt is very Burt Reynolds circa 1982.
3. You carry a shoulder-strap messenger bag and have at one time or another worn a pair of horn-rimmed or Elvis Costello-style glasses.
I own both, but sport neither.
4. You have one Republican friend who you always describe as being your "one Republican friend."
My Republican friend does exist and yes, he is outnumbered.
5. Your hair looks best unwashed and you position your head on your pillow at night in a way that will really maximize your cowlicks.
My hair has had a mind of its own since I was a kid. I doing a very un-hipster thing and keep it short most of the time.
6. You own records put out by Matador, DFA, Definitive Jux, Dischord, Warp, Thrill Jockey, Smells Like Records, and Drag City.
They forgot Sympathy for theRecord Industry and Rough Trade. Not to mention Sub Pop and Vagrant.
All I can say is I liked Sunny Day Real Estate a decade ago while most of the “hipsters” where jamming out to “Whoomp, there it is.” Except back then when you had crappy hair and loved 70’s clothing and listened to music that would get you beat up you were called a dork I’m proud to say I still am. I just never suspected we’d spawn a sub culture.
Fortunately I live in a cultural hellhole. The swamplands of Florida are about as deck as a third world cholera infested prison. Of course we still get a few pockets of resistance. These my friends are the worst of the hipsters…the hillbilly hipsters. They are two years behind their brothers and sisters in Brooklyn and along Ballard Ave. They drop names like “Death Cab for Cutie” and “Snow Patrol” and hope they’re the first to give such “underground” artists word of mouth in this land of mud flaps and margaritas. The truth is, they’re so horribly behind that the hella deck folks they imitate would get a hearty chuckle out of their attempts. Yes kids, having a “Planet of the Apes” lunch box is cute, but if you’re aligning yourself with this movement you must A) never admit alliance and B) move somewhere where you stand a chance of not being so horribly out of touch. The key to being a good hipster is to remain about 5 minutes ahead of the curve. I know my hipster slang is outdated, but I don’t live in a swanky big city where I could pick up the new lingo.
I gave myself the test just in case. From “The Hipster Handbook” comes these signs you might be a hipster
1. You graduated from a liberal arts school whose football team hasn't won a game since the Reagan administration.
My college didn’t even HAVE a football team.
2. You frequently use the term "post-modern" (or its commonly used variation "PoMo") as an adjective, noun, and verb.
Nope, but I say “Circa” a lot. That shirt is very Burt Reynolds circa 1982.
3. You carry a shoulder-strap messenger bag and have at one time or another worn a pair of horn-rimmed or Elvis Costello-style glasses.
I own both, but sport neither.
4. You have one Republican friend who you always describe as being your "one Republican friend."
My Republican friend does exist and yes, he is outnumbered.
5. Your hair looks best unwashed and you position your head on your pillow at night in a way that will really maximize your cowlicks.
My hair has had a mind of its own since I was a kid. I doing a very un-hipster thing and keep it short most of the time.
6. You own records put out by Matador, DFA, Definitive Jux, Dischord, Warp, Thrill Jockey, Smells Like Records, and Drag City.
They forgot Sympathy for theRecord Industry and Rough Trade. Not to mention Sub Pop and Vagrant.
All I can say is I liked Sunny Day Real Estate a decade ago while most of the “hipsters” where jamming out to “Whoomp, there it is.” Except back then when you had crappy hair and loved 70’s clothing and listened to music that would get you beat up you were called a dork I’m proud to say I still am. I just never suspected we’d spawn a sub culture.
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