Tomorrow is the Halloween. I’ll spare the usual lecture on “what do our holidays mean.” The next day is “All Saints Day”, so you figure it out. Here’s a hint, it has nothing to do with the brit-pop outfit.
So thanks to some hurricane damage and unused vacation time, I am and continue to be off the radar. The hard part of that is it leaves lots of time for self reflection. I already do too much of it and often it ends up on the blog. Without work, the mind wanders. I saw “The Neverending Story” on cable this morning. I watched a little of the film, but some things are just better remembered the way you saw them when you were 8. So I turned it off. It did, however, get me thinking about the kid in the film. Apparently he got out of show business, but as I was looking him up, I discovered Jonathan Brandis was in the sequel. He rang a bell because he is my age and he also use to have a radio “drop” on my college station. Turns out he committed suicide in 2003.
Seeing that got me thinking about how elusive happiness really is. This guy was making a living doing, presumably, what he loves. I’m sure he had no problem meeting women since he was considered a “heart throb.” Yet one day he woke up and said “f--- it.” Scary stuff. So it got me wondering what gives life meaning? Perhaps I am getting depressed, because many of the things I use to refer to in sentences starting with “I’d be happy if…” aren’t really motivating me these days.
Don’t worry, I’m not suicidal. Worse case scenario, I’d opt for the slow option and just start smoking again. Suicide for the weak willed. Maybe I’ll get a facial tattoo and a bar through my nose so people will know to just leave me the hell alone. I’ll have to move somewhere other than the south I’m sure. I guess these days my thoughts are less occupied by trivial crap like what new movie is coming out or who J-Lo is married to this week. These things never captured my attention much, but lately I’ve noticed time is moving exponentially and now that I have a few days to actually sit back and give it some thought, I’m staring into an abyss that I can not even begin to descend. I can not even find a rock big enough to hook my safety line too.
Maybe I’m just the type of person who needs faith in their life. Otherwise it all seems sort of pointless. I can not wrap my brain around eternity like I once did, especially at the prospect of spending it with the guys from Creed. Of course, the Insane Clown Posse will probably be in hell, so that is a close call. I guess I’m afraid to fully open myself to any one individual or any organization, because inevitably they disappoint. The fallacy of man will always stand in the doorway of truth’s castle. I suspect I’m too ignorant to understand the universal truths and too smart to ignore them. I’m a C student in the school of life.
So thanks to some hurricane damage and unused vacation time, I am and continue to be off the radar. The hard part of that is it leaves lots of time for self reflection. I already do too much of it and often it ends up on the blog. Without work, the mind wanders. I saw “The Neverending Story” on cable this morning. I watched a little of the film, but some things are just better remembered the way you saw them when you were 8. So I turned it off. It did, however, get me thinking about the kid in the film. Apparently he got out of show business, but as I was looking him up, I discovered Jonathan Brandis was in the sequel. He rang a bell because he is my age and he also use to have a radio “drop” on my college station. Turns out he committed suicide in 2003.
Seeing that got me thinking about how elusive happiness really is. This guy was making a living doing, presumably, what he loves. I’m sure he had no problem meeting women since he was considered a “heart throb.” Yet one day he woke up and said “f--- it.” Scary stuff. So it got me wondering what gives life meaning? Perhaps I am getting depressed, because many of the things I use to refer to in sentences starting with “I’d be happy if…” aren’t really motivating me these days.
Don’t worry, I’m not suicidal. Worse case scenario, I’d opt for the slow option and just start smoking again. Suicide for the weak willed. Maybe I’ll get a facial tattoo and a bar through my nose so people will know to just leave me the hell alone. I’ll have to move somewhere other than the south I’m sure. I guess these days my thoughts are less occupied by trivial crap like what new movie is coming out or who J-Lo is married to this week. These things never captured my attention much, but lately I’ve noticed time is moving exponentially and now that I have a few days to actually sit back and give it some thought, I’m staring into an abyss that I can not even begin to descend. I can not even find a rock big enough to hook my safety line too.
Maybe I’m just the type of person who needs faith in their life. Otherwise it all seems sort of pointless. I can not wrap my brain around eternity like I once did, especially at the prospect of spending it with the guys from Creed. Of course, the Insane Clown Posse will probably be in hell, so that is a close call. I guess I’m afraid to fully open myself to any one individual or any organization, because inevitably they disappoint. The fallacy of man will always stand in the doorway of truth’s castle. I suspect I’m too ignorant to understand the universal truths and too smart to ignore them. I’m a C student in the school of life.
1 Comments:
Sometimes I think religion is too limiting. Often people look to it for comfort in knowing what will happen after death, but it seems to limit their enjoyment of the present. It all comes down to what we seek. Sometimes I find more comfort in not thinking about what happens after death.... it's a lot worse or it's ecstasy... either way I'll get there when I do and deal with it. For the moment, all we can do is deal with what is... and if we are motivated... try to do recognize our actions and their repercussions. Sometimes, I think people are too concerned with the hereafter and not with the here and now.
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