Christmas is shaping up to be hard this year. There is a lot going on in my family. I certainly can not complain, because my own life is going just fine. There has been a lot going on with everyone else. This is also the first Christmas without Grandma. In 2000, I lost my other Grandma 2 days before Christmas. I got the call she was going into surgery and by the time my dad and I got on the road, I think we both knew we would never see her alive again. That was hard.

The strange part is I think both their deaths book ended a stretch of bad times for me personally. It seems like the only BS free relationships I ever had were with my Grandmas. They always had good advice, unconditional love and a voice of reason. I can not say I have gotten those things from my parents, fiends or other relatives. My Grandmas always served it straight. That might explain why I feel like a bit of a holiday refugee. I really feel like a part of me is missing this year.

I may decide to spend it volunteering somewhere. I thought about the homeless shelter. Then again, my Grandfather is the last remaining member of that generation and I really feel like I should spend as much time as I can with him. Honestly, I just feel like no matter what I do, nothing is going to quite feel like “home.” I’m really lucky to have lots of offers on how to spend the holidays, but I’d be lying if I didn’t say a big part of me wants to spend the time with two of my favorite people.