Unrequited love is the best. I’m not kidding. Haven’t you ever felt in love with someone you don’t know or better yet, they don’t even know you exist. It is so uncomplicated. I can not say I’m currently in that frame of mind. Although I do say it rocks. It’s the type of love that keeps guys like Morrissey writing songs. The love that is so perversely one-sided that it is destined to fail miserably before the word “go.” That’s the goods. I’m telling you, it has been a while since I’ve had that, but it really brings you back to life. Maybe I need to mingle more. If I had some type of social life other than hanging out with couples, I’d probably meet some vegan emo vixen that wants to safe the Micronesian donkey from deforestation. She can stay wrapped up in the cause and her bands that no one has ever heard of and I can quietly admire her from far. That would be ideal. Then we would never have to have a real relationship were real issues pop up and we have to face things like building a life together or making sure the phone bill gets paid or checking our credit reports so we can get financed on a starter home.

I think this is a theme in my life. Seattle and I have long been in the perfect unrequited relationship. I admire her from far knowing that the expense and distance from my family and incredibly depressing gray skies would give our relationship a 1 year shelf life…tops. Yet I still feel if tomorrow I was told to pack my bags and move my life somewhere else, it would be Seattle. Without thought it would be Seattle. That city isn’t kind to sensitive water signs. I don’t know how I would hold up, but I’m hoping I would have the common sense to buy a plane ticket back home over a shotgun. You never know though.

So I admire her from afar. In fact, both my parents have a distance between us (emotionally or spatial) and I have never had a better relationship with either of them. It is easy to love a dad who visits one weekend day and takes you to Chucky Cheese, I think that is the type of relationship I’m trying to find and it doesn’t exist. Real women have needs and expectations and issues and all the assorted baggage and here I sit content to live in my own world and watch the things I love from a safe distance. I can probably get closer to a gorilla at the zoo than I will ever allow myself to get to true happiness. Positive affirmations, denial, apathy, their all much easier to juggle really. And a rock feels no pain and an island never cries.