Friday, April 02, 2004

If you ever get close to a human
And human behavior
Be ready to get confused
~Bjork

Yesterday I got my Charlie Brown shirt in the mail. Yes it is the yellow shirt with the black squiggly lines just like Charlie Brown use to wear. People seem to immediately recognize it and it will no doubt be a conversation starter. As I looked at myself in the mirror it really occurred to me I AM Charlie Brown. Why? You ask.

I have a strange learning disability were I can not understand verbal instruction very well. Write something down or show me how to do it and I’m fine. Verbal instruction sounds like “waaa waa waa waaaa waaaa wa.” Sound familiar? OK, I hate to admit it but the one thing I have over Charlie Brown is hair. I also have a sneaking suspicion it will soon be gone. Then I’ll just grow one long curl in keeping with my walking testament to Charles Schultz.

The one girl that ever loved Charlie Brown took more pleasure in dangling the ball in front of him than actually letting him kick it. That is my life writ small. The only women who ever understood what a great guy Charlie Brown was were all lesbians. I don’t have a lesbian posse, but it does seem like the women who know and love me have about as much attraction to me as Donald Trump does to Wal-Mart.

Poor Charlie couldn’t trust his own sister. Half the time she was up to plotting something behind Charlie’s back and the poor kid could never relax. Half the time I feel the same way about my relatives. Then there’s Snoopy. The boy’s own dog would rather spend time hanging out with a yellow bird that doesn’t talk than his trusted master. His best friend even liked his piano and blanket more than Charlie.


Charlie was bad at sports. ..really bad at sports. He gave his all though. Charlie had an egg shaped head. His body lacks any real shape despite the fact the poor kid is very athletic. Sadly, the one thing I identify with most in Charlie in is the fact he always tries to do what is right. Time and again Charlie Brown lets his heart guide his actions. Usually it blows up in his face, but Charlie never becomes bitter or angry. That alone makes me proud to be just like Charlie.

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