I’m tired today. I’m tired physically but also emotionally. On my way into work this morning, I was wondering how I can handle another 36 years of this. A quick note before you misread what I’m saying. I am not at all clinically depressed nor am I suicidal. I think it is perfectly healthy to look at the way 99% of us live our lives and evaluate it. Most of us hate what we do. Our lives are full of one little crisis after another, such as a lost bill getting a utility shut off or our car deciding to stop running on our way to some big event. These are the little trials that pepper our lives. It seems like we all hang on to the side of the ship and ride the bumps until some major event throws us completely off into the sea and we have to find our way back, or maybe to a new shore.

Unfortunately, it does seem to take getting a terminal disease or loosing you job or wife to shake most people up. For sheer survival, we just get up and do the same thing every day. There isn’t much thought given to the quality of our life. Sure, we all take some health precautions and maybe exercise and eat right, but those things are, in all honesty, leading more toward quantity than quality. My generation will probably be the first that does not get to retire on time. Social security is drying up, per estimates, the year I turn 65. That just sucks for lack of a better word.

So maybe it is that generation x ethic that was drilled into me as I came of age. I just seemed to be cursed with seeing the futility of it all. Sure I’m looking forward to marriage and a family and all that comes with it. I’m just trying to come to terms with the fact that I’ll probably spend the rest of my adult life waiting for the end of my workday or the beginning of my weekend. Isn’t there a better way to live? If there is, I hope we discover it soon, because I’m going to have to start drinking or popping Prozac to keep the train of apathy chugging along.