Saturday, July 30, 2005

The universe is shaped exactly like the Earth / If you go straight long enough you'll end up where you were


It seems nearly impossible to escape the same road blocks over and over. I suppose maybe it is karma if you believe in such things. When I was a kid, well before I was indoctrinated with any contradictory ideas, I had this hunch that life was some sort of experiment. Almost like a classroom where you will have everything thrown at you that you need to grow as an individual. Some people were very advanced, like Mother Theresa and Gandhi and needed to live here as an example to the rest of us. Some people live lives full of hardship but they need those challenges to grow and perhaps we are born again next time at a higher level.

You could squeeze this theory into a Judeo-Christian perspective, since a benevolent God would only put you through hard times if it served a higher purpose for your life. Today I’m up way too early and over evaluating my existence. It is a waste of time and probably is about as effective as using a stationary bike to get somewhere. A mental treadmill of sorts, minus the inherent health benefits of a real treadmill. Today I’m wondering why I work so hard to keep myself miserable. Seriously, it is a full time job. I spend way too much time sabotaging any chance I have for happiness. I wouldn’t do this to my worst enemy, but every day I do it to myself. I keep a vigilant check list of all the things I should be happy about.


I have relative health, most of my hair and (knock on wood) not a single cavity. I’m not the tallest or richest or thinnest person on the planet, but I’m smart enough to know those things will not make you happy. So what, then, does the trick? There are monks who own nothing but the smile on their face and there are billionaires who can not put enough coke in their nose to get through the day. In the end, if anyone ever finds the key to happiness, they better share it. The Taoists believe unhappiness and suffering comes from wanting. There isn’t anything I want and I’m hardly materialistic. So what then am I seeking and lacking? That is truly the question. Probably just a cigarette.

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