So what is going to happen to the Gloved one today? It seems so weird that he has come to this point. I remember as a kid always hearing Michael Jackson on the radio and wondering why, if this guy is so loved, no one admits to owning his music. After “Thriller” of course. Before that, he actually was good and black and normal. Maybe the guy has been a freak all along and once he got the fundage to do whatever he wanted, he flipped out. The beauty of the story is that he represents the American dream. Where else can a boy from a small town and a huge and very poor family grow up to own his own theme park. He came out of his mother a black boy and will likely be laid to rest a white woman. If he does manage to get out of this current situation (I claim no side on this. I hate pedophiles, but we don’t honestly know that he is one) here is a short list of things MJ needs to get to work on:

1) Admit you’re gay. Embrace it. Dude, no one cares.
2) Stop sharing your bed with anyone under 18. It is just creepy.
3) Get your old nose back. It just looked a lot better.
4) Throw on some SPF 45 and leave the ranch once in a while.
5) Accept that you never had a childhood and get over it
6) Then be a parent to the kids you have. They don’t need a fairy godmother
7) Make an album that doesn’t suck, maybe get the Dust Brothers or Rick Rubin to help you out
8) Sell the Beatles catalogue to Paul. You really screwed him on that one.
9) Grow the fro back
10) Donate Neverland ranch to some charity group for kids and get a real house
11) Eat something. Dude, you weigh less than a middle school aged girl.
12) Have LL Cool J show you the weight room
13) Stop dressing like you are the attendant at a Hitler youth carousel ride
14) Call Webster and tell him you're sorry. Call Mack too