Monday, May 07, 2007

What I used to be will pass away
And then you'll see
That all I want now is happiness
For you and me
-Elliott Smith

So maybe I shouldn’t idolize people who committed suicide. There’s something romantic and beautiful to a tragic story. Sometimes I worry my own life is going to be some kind of tragedy. Lord knows given my gene pool, the ability to be a screw up is strong. No this isn’t a cry for help, so don’t go worrying about me. I’ve held things together just find for three decades. I guess sometimes I just feel a little sorry for myself. Truth be told though, when most of us scratch the surface of other people’s lives we quickly see all is not as well as it may appear. I was once posed the question “if you could be anyone other than yourself who would you be?”

Of course I answered that question the textbook way we’re all expected to answer it. Of course I don’t want to be someone else. Why? Because everyone has their cross to bear. Plus it is human nature to like familiarity. So knowing with the hand that I’ve been dealt I’ll never slam dunk a basketball or pull a Freido with two super models, I shoulder on. So it goes. I’m not deformed or mentally challenged, so I count my blessings. I just think we all have our dark times where even little minute ridiculous things seem unbearable.

The trick I suppose is to focus on the positive. That can be pretty hard to do when it goes against ever fiber of your nature. It is even harder when you weren’t brought up around positive people. It is hard to unlearn the fundamentals sometimes.

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