Tina come get some ham!
So today I came to a very important decision. I’m not dieting anymore. I’ve spent the better part of my life hating myself and struggling with my weight. When I was a kid I was rail thin and sick with a heart condition. After I had surgery I suspect I was fed well to make up for lost growing and heck if your kid almost died I’m sure you’d want to see them pudgy and healthy. Somewhere around puberty I became increasingly uncomfortable with my own body. So I spent the better part of my young life afraid to talk to girls because I wasn’t athletic and thin.
I’m done trying to be something I’m not. There are a few things that work. Going to the gym every day works. I went for a long time daily and did nearly an hour of cardio with weight training. Eating less carbs works. It is miserable and impossible to sustain, but it works. Smoking like a chimney and drinking lots of coffee works. Taking over the counter uppers (IE diet pills) also works. Throwing up after you eat works. These are all horribly unhealthy ways to lose weight, but they work. The catch is they solve nothing because no matter how good you might look you are still harming yourself and you still feel like a piece of crap unworthy of anyone’s love.
So really the problem isn’t your weight. The problem is how you feel about yourself. Eating can easily become the one thing you can control in the chaos (IE when you are “dieting”) or the one escape from the word (when you are throwing back a stack of Oreos with your eyes glazed back like a great white shark munching on a seal). Not eating makes you feel deprived and eating too much make you feel physically sick and worse yet disappointed in yourself. So I am done with that rollercoaster. I’m not willing to make myself miserable exercising all the time and eating twigs. I’m also realizing that the minute you tell yourself something is off limits that is the very thing you will begin to desire with all your heart. Truth is there are worse things in the world than being fat and if you look around I’m sorry to say you are in the majority.
So today I came to a very important decision. I’m not dieting anymore. I’ve spent the better part of my life hating myself and struggling with my weight. When I was a kid I was rail thin and sick with a heart condition. After I had surgery I suspect I was fed well to make up for lost growing and heck if your kid almost died I’m sure you’d want to see them pudgy and healthy. Somewhere around puberty I became increasingly uncomfortable with my own body. So I spent the better part of my young life afraid to talk to girls because I wasn’t athletic and thin.
I’m done trying to be something I’m not. There are a few things that work. Going to the gym every day works. I went for a long time daily and did nearly an hour of cardio with weight training. Eating less carbs works. It is miserable and impossible to sustain, but it works. Smoking like a chimney and drinking lots of coffee works. Taking over the counter uppers (IE diet pills) also works. Throwing up after you eat works. These are all horribly unhealthy ways to lose weight, but they work. The catch is they solve nothing because no matter how good you might look you are still harming yourself and you still feel like a piece of crap unworthy of anyone’s love.
So really the problem isn’t your weight. The problem is how you feel about yourself. Eating can easily become the one thing you can control in the chaos (IE when you are “dieting”) or the one escape from the word (when you are throwing back a stack of Oreos with your eyes glazed back like a great white shark munching on a seal). Not eating makes you feel deprived and eating too much make you feel physically sick and worse yet disappointed in yourself. So I am done with that rollercoaster. I’m not willing to make myself miserable exercising all the time and eating twigs. I’m also realizing that the minute you tell yourself something is off limits that is the very thing you will begin to desire with all your heart. Truth is there are worse things in the world than being fat and if you look around I’m sorry to say you are in the majority.
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