Everyone’s a voyeurist they’re watching me watch them watch me right now.
I don’t really honestly remember why I started this blog. It wasn’t exactly a common thing to have one back when I began. At least it wasn’t common on this coast. I’m sure in San Francisco, the blog trend came and went years ago. I guess I started it to get more practice writing and maybe, just maybe, I thought I might insert something brilliant and someone important would read it and whisk me off to a paying job writing.
Since it all began, I have realized a few important things. The least of which is that by writing this online journal I have been able to exorcise quite a few demons. I have plenty of internal struggles that will never make it onto this web page and a few that might never be shared with anyone anywhere. I use to think I was unique in that regard, but over time I have gotten the feeling we are all sharing a similar experience on this journey we call life. We deal with loneliness or regret or anger in our own ways.
I suppose if you don’t know me personally, then you probably don’t have a full idea of what I am really like. For starters, I’m more positive in the real world. Maybe positive isn’t the right word. Lets just say I might get on here on an off day and write some diatribe about the pointless futility of life. The reality of it is I don’t see it as being pointless and futile at all. In fact, we have all touched the lives on one another in ways we can not begin to comprehend. I think “It’s a Wonderful Life” covered that cosmic quandary just fine and I will not rehash it, but it is true.
What I will say is this. I write this blog very much for myself. In some ways it is therapy. In some ways it is an outlet. Some days it becomes a political soapbox and other days it becomes a diary. What it is not is a place to slam other people or passively aggressively communicate messages to people who might read it. I did that once and was politely asked by the person in question not to do it anymore on the blog. So I stopped. Simple enough right?
Well if you do read this and you are a friend, coworker, family member or just an acquaintance and you read something on my blog that you think is directed at you…chances are it is not. At best, this is a spot where I come to express the then and now. I always think about who could be reading it and sometimes I might describe someone that sounds like you. Maybe it is you. Just know that I would never put anything in a public forum like this with the intention of hurting someone else. This form of writing has taught me to embrace my emotions at a point and time, express them and then move on. It is the proverbial place to get things off my chest.
So now I have to decide what is next for this page. In the last week my step dad and my best friend have both expressed that they read this blog. I would never want to censure what I write. On the other hand, what is more important to me in my life than writing are the relationships I have. The people in my life mean far more to me than some online journal. So to avoid saying anything that might inadvertently hurt someone (no, I have no beef with anyone right now nor do I foresee any) I may walk away from this page soon. Honestly, I put my feelings in the storefront and expected all the pedestrians to walk by without taking notice.
Some days what I have on display borders on the mundane and PG level “Sesame Street” friendly. Other days, it may look like the darkest corner of Marilyn Manson’s house. I think the key to balance in life is acknowledging your feelings and emotions when they happen, experiencing them fully and then moving on. This has always been my place for such things. So if this website does continue, please know that I will always do my best to leave others out of it. If you continue reading, then do me a favor. Should you ever read something that upsets you, then call me on it. If you do chose to remain silent, then just rest assured that I am the type of person that goes out of my way not to hurt others. Sometimes, I do this to a fault, but I am the last person that would ever want to hurt anyone and by keeping this blog as honest and real as I try too, I’m probably running the risk of doing the very thing I set out never to do. It is a risk I will chose to take if I continue writing it and a risk you will chose to take if you continue reading it.
I don’t really honestly remember why I started this blog. It wasn’t exactly a common thing to have one back when I began. At least it wasn’t common on this coast. I’m sure in San Francisco, the blog trend came and went years ago. I guess I started it to get more practice writing and maybe, just maybe, I thought I might insert something brilliant and someone important would read it and whisk me off to a paying job writing.
Since it all began, I have realized a few important things. The least of which is that by writing this online journal I have been able to exorcise quite a few demons. I have plenty of internal struggles that will never make it onto this web page and a few that might never be shared with anyone anywhere. I use to think I was unique in that regard, but over time I have gotten the feeling we are all sharing a similar experience on this journey we call life. We deal with loneliness or regret or anger in our own ways.
I suppose if you don’t know me personally, then you probably don’t have a full idea of what I am really like. For starters, I’m more positive in the real world. Maybe positive isn’t the right word. Lets just say I might get on here on an off day and write some diatribe about the pointless futility of life. The reality of it is I don’t see it as being pointless and futile at all. In fact, we have all touched the lives on one another in ways we can not begin to comprehend. I think “It’s a Wonderful Life” covered that cosmic quandary just fine and I will not rehash it, but it is true.
What I will say is this. I write this blog very much for myself. In some ways it is therapy. In some ways it is an outlet. Some days it becomes a political soapbox and other days it becomes a diary. What it is not is a place to slam other people or passively aggressively communicate messages to people who might read it. I did that once and was politely asked by the person in question not to do it anymore on the blog. So I stopped. Simple enough right?
Well if you do read this and you are a friend, coworker, family member or just an acquaintance and you read something on my blog that you think is directed at you…chances are it is not. At best, this is a spot where I come to express the then and now. I always think about who could be reading it and sometimes I might describe someone that sounds like you. Maybe it is you. Just know that I would never put anything in a public forum like this with the intention of hurting someone else. This form of writing has taught me to embrace my emotions at a point and time, express them and then move on. It is the proverbial place to get things off my chest.
So now I have to decide what is next for this page. In the last week my step dad and my best friend have both expressed that they read this blog. I would never want to censure what I write. On the other hand, what is more important to me in my life than writing are the relationships I have. The people in my life mean far more to me than some online journal. So to avoid saying anything that might inadvertently hurt someone (no, I have no beef with anyone right now nor do I foresee any) I may walk away from this page soon. Honestly, I put my feelings in the storefront and expected all the pedestrians to walk by without taking notice.
Some days what I have on display borders on the mundane and PG level “Sesame Street” friendly. Other days, it may look like the darkest corner of Marilyn Manson’s house. I think the key to balance in life is acknowledging your feelings and emotions when they happen, experiencing them fully and then moving on. This has always been my place for such things. So if this website does continue, please know that I will always do my best to leave others out of it. If you continue reading, then do me a favor. Should you ever read something that upsets you, then call me on it. If you do chose to remain silent, then just rest assured that I am the type of person that goes out of my way not to hurt others. Sometimes, I do this to a fault, but I am the last person that would ever want to hurt anyone and by keeping this blog as honest and real as I try too, I’m probably running the risk of doing the very thing I set out never to do. It is a risk I will chose to take if I continue writing it and a risk you will chose to take if you continue reading it.
3 Comments:
I don't think you should stop writing. I love to read your blog! The thing is though, I do understand how you feel. But it is the same as venting. People cannot get upset at you for venting...and keeping things anonymous...because really, we all know that everyone vents in some way...and at least this way, you are being discreet. Which is better than standing by the water cooler at work saying how much someone sucks and what a terrible person they are. Keep writing, Jon...
I've already begged you to not stop because my work life would be far less interesting if I didn't have your written word--- so I won't bother to do it again. I will say that I know how you feel. Myspace drama is rapidly becomeing some of the worst drama in my life. I've gotten into more than one serious arguement with people close to me based on blog entries and more and more people I mentor are reading it, making it less comfortable to go on rants. You could always go find a new place to hide out.... but should you do that I'll need a road map.
(lia)
Your blog is a work of art Jonathan. Please do not stop writing simply because you dont want to offend people. It is amazing and if someone takes offense then he or she can choose not to read it. I think it is a therapy for you, but entertaining for the rest of us. It makes us realize that the way we are feeling isnt so abnormal, that there are other freaks out there (not in a mean way) that are worried about the same things...blah blah blah. You are so eloquent and we are not, please continue on!
Plus, I think it keeps you from crawling up on the water tower and taking out and orphanage.
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